Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Quick update

This was going to be a reply to the comments in my last post... then it got painfully long so I moved it to it's own entry instead, as much as I hate taking time out to do a huge long entry, I really need to vent. So.. here goes.

First off, Thanks guys. Branwen, Xirena, it means a lot to hear that. I'll let Taben know when I can. He's still in the room. He's not come out and the door's still locked. I'm just giving him his time right now. Allen's still over with Taben's mom. As can be expected it's been... hard. We're trying to make plans, figure out how to get him to move on. We're debating if we should call authorities or who to have tend to Ry's body.
Brennon and I went out this evening. We found the path Taben found. It's newer. So it was fresh and new when Taben found it. Taben had said everything was fresh. He said he'd heard Ry's screams of pain and cries.... I just... don't even know. Taben's going through so much right now. I dunno. All I know is we can't leave Ry out there to be eaten by the coyotes or wild creatures. What we saw is... I'd never wish that on anything or anyone. Especially not Ry. He may have been tough and hard to manage but... he was a great person. I don't even know what to do. I'm still so shocked and uncertain.

Xirena, thank you. I think we could use all the support we can get right now. It's going to be a long few days. I'm wondering how people will feel, what will the authorities do? Should we report this? what the hell do we do? I... think it's safe to say not to expect much from us for a bit. We'll have hands full and be busy.

Bran, I'll tell Taben about the party and see what he says. He may need it. It's a matter of him coming from his room. We're also still thinking about the July 4th party still. If anything I'm hoping that Taben will snap out of it quickly, if only to be there for Allen. We're going to go pick him up tomorrow. He needs to be home with his mom. Taben needs Allen right now more than ever. I just hope we can keep their spirits up as much as possible. It hurts me to feel this much from Taben. He hurts so bad. I've no idea what to do. Dear ol' Da's been in and out. No sign of It. Todd/Alex seems ticked. I dunno how long he'll be here. We're both worried It may come after your group soon. Even more so now if you've got that party this weekend. And there's another member of the family we didn't take into consideration. Raven. Taben and Ryan's cat. She was practically Ryan's 'familiar' for lack of better term. She's been wandering around the house meowing loud and sad sounding. She keeps trying to get into the bedroom with Taben and then just lays by the door mewling. This is just all so heart breaking. I don't even know how to handle this.

It's weird. I feel horrible. I don't think the death of my parents hit me this hard. This is just... a huge blow. I accepted mom and dad's death quickly and moved on... this.. this one's going to be worse. This is the third death we've had in the family due to It. With my parents there was a bit of ash and bones and that was it. With ?Ry it's just... horrible... there's so much more to it. I don't even know what to do, I just want to cry.

But I can't. I have to be strong. I guess it's time to rally up the troops and start. War's coming. I can feel it. I know it. We're going to need all the help we can get. If you can help, let me know. We'll make space for you to crash here while we get things running. Again, just let me know. We'll make arrangements.

No one hurts someone I care about like this and gets away with it. No one. I said it last post and I'll say it this one again. It is going to die. I'm going to murder the fucking monster.

Well... Fuck...

So, after I saw Taben's post, I went into the bedroom and tried to get him to talk. It took me two hours to finally get him to unlock the door. He had just finally come back after a day of disappearing while looking for Ry. He came home and just went to his room and closed the door. I heard it lock. Figured he was just tiered and wanted to sleep uninterrupted. Then I saw the post. Then I tempted to feel at his mind. And... my gods. The grief, remorse, guilt... so much. After a couple hours of persuading he unlocked the door and let me in. He just broke down crying. I then saw he'd changed clothes. I saw all the blood and grime and just... the smell, the stench the reek. Of death. I smelled death. Once he calmed down he told me how hoe had followed a trail that seemed to purposeful. And followed it. And at the end.. he found Ry. Or what was left of him. He said that he had found him gutted and just lain out in plain site. hanging like a freshly hunted deer from a low branch of a tree. He went on t expain everything in complete gory detail. How It had shown up and practically.... laughed. How Slendy had appeared and went berserk leading to a huge showdown between It and Slendy. Taben missed it all though. He just heard it. The rest of the time he was crying over the body of his husband.

I don't even know what to do. All I know is that It needs to be dead. It has to die. We have to ind a way to kill It. I don't even know what to think or do. I... as soon as he was finished telling me he kicked me out and locked himself back in the room. I... I don't even.

I honestly expected all of us to go before Ry. Ry never believed. Ry never cared, he was never truly infected or affected... only through Taben.

I don't know how I'd ever live through loosing Brennon. I'm so worried about Taben. He's hurting. He's so much in pain. And there's nothing I can do for him. Nothing. I feel lost and helpless and scared and uncertain and just.. I don't know. I tried to call Slendy in. He showed up, he was pissed, angry. vengeful so much hate and anger.

I asked him what we could do for Taben.

"There is nothing we can do for her, she must mourn, let her mourn."

I was pissed. Of everything that I was consulting him about I hated and was so pissed for Him to refer to Taben as his birth gender. That, in my eyes was adding insult to what Taben was already suffering through. I... I launched myself at Slendy screaming. I apparently grabbed some of my craft scissors from my desk when I did it and stabbed him as I started screaming at him to show Taben respect. Next thing I know I'm against the wall and my shoulder was bleeding. The same shoulder where scissors were now embedded in Slender's shoulder. I just gritted my teeth and growled and scowled. I was surprised when Slender just looked at me. pulled the scissors from his shoulder and healed my wound.

"I am sorry. I forget the importance of that to those raised as you were. You will learn that gender does not matter. I am not happy with these events and I will make the Dark One pay. For now. You tend to your mate. I will tend to the child and protect him from The Monster. I am not happy. I will KILL It."

And with that he disappeared. So... now I've just been sitting and waiting to hear from Taben. To see him come out. Allen's with his mom. I don't even know how we're gonna break it to the little guy. I don't even know what to do, where to go. How to handle this. I'm so confused. Lost. Scared. I've never felt this scared in a long time. It's an odd feeling.... I don't even know what to do anymore.

I don't want to loose my family. I can NOT loose my family. They are all I have. I refuse. I WILL NOT LOOSE THEM!

All bets are off. Next time It shoes it's pale ugly no faced Head I will kill the mother fucker!

Saturday, June 25, 2011

Just go back...

We just got back from another search outing for Ry. Still found nothing.

Slendy seems upset... like peeved off. But I'm not sure why. He says it wasn't him. He didn't do this. He's very adamant about it. It's weird hearing him reiterate over and over that he's not responsible for the disappearance.

He's blaming It. I dunno who to blame. I just know I want Ryan back. Taben just... isn't the same. I've seen Taben have down days but I've never seen him slink into this deep of depression. Not in a long time. He's blaming himself for the fight and argument hey had. For Ry leaving and disappearing. Thing is. Ry's pretty laid back. Taben's the one that raises his voice in arguments. Ry just quietly seethes and let's it wash off his back and gets to working things out. If Ry actually left and is avoiding us and getting time away from us, this is a first, and it's not like Ry. which has me concerned in other ways. What if he's being turned into a proxy? What if It is doing it. According to an update from Bran, he no longer has Rat. He no longer has Todd either... is he looking to replace his precious rodent? ...Is he going to replace the rodent with a dragon...? That might be scary... for everyone involved. I just... don't know what to think. All I know is that, I feel at fault in some way. If I hadn't taken Taben with me to help with Malkin and Chas... Taben wouldn't have had to drop from this session of classes, and he and Ry would not have gotten into a fight. And to think... we though entering a full relationship/family unit was going to cause problems. No. It's me. And holding Taben as a 'proxy'.... that's causing the problems... and now Taben's dying inside... cause his husband's missing....

And it's all my fault... I don't even know what to do...

Maybe it's just not worth it anymore...

I'm sorry Taben, so sorry. I love you man... and I'm so very sorry.

Thursday, June 23, 2011

People piss me off....

Sorry for the silence. There's not been much to say. As stated a few days back. Things are quiet. Really, terribly quiet. Well until this morning anyways.

Allen woke up and came in to Taben. He had neck spasms that were causing all kind of pain to him. Ry and Taben had had a fight the night before. Ry wasn't there. We're assuming that he just left for a while till things calmed down or something. So it was me that Taben woke up to take Allen to the hospital. Taben is beyond pissed with Ry now. End point. Most everything's alright. They did a lot of blood work and x-rays on Allen.  They all came back fine. They say he just had a neck spasm. He's supposed to take it easy and rest and just sit back and get better. How much of tha he'll do, we have no clue. Taben went to him mom's and explained what was going on and she offered to watch Allen for the day and let Ry and Taben work things out. Now it's just a matter of figureing out where the hell Ry got to. The car is here. So he didn't drive anywhere. We're thinking maybe someone he knows from college got him and took him, as Ry's books and such and college supplies are missing. We're assuming/hoping he'll be here after his normal school hour this evening. That'll give Taben time to calm down as well. I've seen Taben pissed, but he's pretty upset.

In other news we're still working out trying to help out Todd/Alex with everything that's going on for them. Also We've got Chas and Mal here still of course. Er... I think Chas is still here anywyas. I've not check in on them yet, we only just got back from dropping Allen off. We're trying to figure what to do with our day now. I want to get Taben out of the house but he wants to sleep.

Slendy and It have been stalking around a lot more than usual. I dunno what it is they're doing but well it can't be good. Something's up. I've no idea what, but if it involves them, it can't be good..

Sunday, June 19, 2011


It's been quiet. Today's been slow. Taben, Allen and Ry are over at Taben's parents for the father's day thing. Sam, Dean and I just kinda sat around together talking. I'm not sure if Chastin's still asleep. I've not heard anything differnt from Mal so I'm assuming sleeping beauty is still passed out.

I came to a conclusion today. We have the winchesters. And now we have Captain Mal. This is awesome. We're getting our own little mix of cosplay characters here. ....yeah trying to think positive. It and Slendy have been absent all day today. It's... weird. It's erie how quiet it's been. How boring. I'm not used to being bored. Makes me wonder. What's going to happen that will knock us for a loop and get us on our feet again.

Todd's been here. It's nice to have him back. He's been quiet. I think he's been thinkng things over a lot. I've jus been letting everyone have their quiet time. I dunno why, but I've felt akward with trying to approach anyone. I mean, I feel I've possibly caused a rift between Chas and Mal cause I tied Chas to a chair.  I just hope when he wakes up he can understand why and see out reasoning and all. We really just want to help.

Which means I have to keep that inner demon inside. I hope I'll be able to do that. I've felt it comin to the surface a lot lately. epecially when It's around. I hate the damned Thing. It's only ever fucked with me to piss me off and fuck up my mental stability. And when I get hurt or pissed, in turn Slendy gets pissed. ...But Slendy's been absent... h e was pissed the firt time and chased It off... then he's been gone. And today It's gone as well. I just hope this doesn't mean something bad is coming.

I hate that I loose my train of thught when typing here anymore. I know it happens to Taben as well. Maybe it happens to Taben because it happens to me. It's nice to have my bond/link with Todd established again. I guess Taben's gonna be working with Alex to learn. Gonna be weird. I guess we'll see how it goes.

I'm crashing early tonght. I'm pooped.

Saturday, June 18, 2011

Holy shit...

It is good to be back. We got back late last night, like around midnight or later. I wasn't paying attention to time. We had a nice full house now. The way I like it. As people may or may not know, we have Todd back +1. We've got Chastin here. Malkin verified it was him by checking in on where he was still passed out. And we also have a couple extra felines here. Taben gets this pitifully sad face when it comes to rescuing animals that is so VERY hard to ignore. It's good to be home. It was nice to sleep cuddled up with Brenno last night. It was nice to wake up this morning to Allen's excited screaming upon seeing Taben was home. It's just been... nice. I saw Todd and just gave him a huge hug. I was so relieved ans happy to see him. To know *him* the person behind the mask. I think he was kind of taken back by it but I don't give a damn! It's good to be home in familiar territory. And holy fuck it's good to smell Taben's home cooking coming from the kitchen in the morning!

I just hope, and am honestly worried, that in the mess of all this, we don't forget how important it is to keep our eyes open. Slender's pissed as can be right now. I wish I knew why he was so lenient with me. Why he gave in to me. But at the same time I'm glad that I didn't have to get angry and let that... other part of me show. I could feel it coming to the surface in times when I get angry. It scares me. I hate this. I hate that I'm this dual person and find myself afraid at times. I want to just forget about it and be happy. Be me. Be alive. So.. for the time being. I'm going to be happy and alive. And try to stop the fight within myself of who I really am. I'm not really sure I'm ready for that answer.

Anyways, I'm going to go chow, that food smells delish! Taben is the best damned cook ever and I am going to guess he's celebrating being home. Everyone stay safe and keep your eyes open. Talk to you later!

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

We're all okay...

...well... I guess that depends on your definition of okay.

Taben says I must explain that he is alright or he'll punch me in the balls for making people worry. I think everyone else here wants to puch me anyways for making people worry. No. Taben did not have a gunshot. I admit. I made a mountain of a molehill there but... well I'll just say it. My boyfriend was hurt. I was worried. There. I said it.

So what really happened. When Slender Derpage threw us put the other side Taben fell and hurt his leg a pretty big cut, nothing that needed stitches just yeah. I'm sorry to those that I worried.

So. Yeah, we're fine. We... kept getting lost when we were trying to... transport ourselves. I think Slendy was laughing at us, then he just got annoyed. Now I think he's a little pissed. It's like.. he's wondering why we're here. I think Chastin's kinda going a little insane right now because it's like all his nightmares are real... or something. We have him tied to a chair... and gagged. I feel bad for it but otherwise there's a damned gun pointed at us. I'm kinda like afraid for my safety. So. We're gonna wait for him to calm down. Then we're gonna... I dunno. We're gonna take it as it comes. Yay for internets though. Give Taben and I the chance to withdraw from our classes so we aren't majorly screwed for lack of attendance.

I wanna seriously punch myself right now.... I'm here with people going insane, Slender Man practically breathing down my neck. People seething at me for making something bigger than it was... and... and... here I am worried about classes and college....

Seriously... What the FUCK is wrong with me?!

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Well... this is fun.

I just woke up. I don't remember what happened. At all. I remember grabbing the laptop (smart move, good to see wi-fi here), then the travel then we get out and Slender Man is there. He's not happy with us. At all. He pulls us in and it all goes black. And now I'm here... sitting on the floor and just.... trying to figure out where we are and... what the hell's going on. And Taben's here and... well fuck.. he's bleeding? What the fuck? By Gods I hope to hell I'm not about to die.... I've got a fucking gun pointed at my head... maybe I should stop typing here and see why the fuck there's a gun at my head and make sure that we hopefully got to the right fucking place.... Gods be damned this is insane...

Thursday, June 9, 2011

Fuck you Blogger....

...You cheap whore.

Branwen. Good to see you alive. Blogger would not let me comment on your post. Fucking hells. Yet Taben can post anywhere. I might steal his computer and use it and see if that fixes the problem. Bleh. I'll do that when we get home.

I'd love to have Todd with us for this run but we just don't have the time to wait unless he miraculously appears here. Something tells me it's going to be a long night. But it'll be the first night in a whilke where I feel like I'm acomplishing something and doing some good. I'm not gonna elaborate now. It's been fun trying to block Slendy as it is. I think he realizes somethings up. So... we have to make our move now. Hopefully all goes well and we don't get killed.

At least the house will be a little fuller for a while if this all goes well.

I'll explain it all later. Promise. Anyways, time to go. Catch ya all on the flipped side. Hopefully this works. Good vibes people, lots of good vibes. Hopefully sudden appearances don't freak them out too much... See ya! The Tiger and Mouse are on the move!

Sunday, June 5, 2011

Back... I think...

Sorry for my absense. Things have been... hellish lately? well busy is a better term. My computer completely crapped out. I don't think anyone watches my twitter (that can be seen at the top right of my blog) So I didn't bother posting after the final explosion. Taben got back to us. Hoe he got back I have no clue he was just... suddenly on his bed the other day sleeping. The worrying part? He's not woken up. this was three days ago. He is alive. he's breathing, has a pulse and seems fine. He actually sleep walks a lot mainly to feed himself. his eyes are close when he does this so we're assuming he's still asleep. Getting kinda worried. I'm behind on checking stuff out... My laptop's gone missing and I just.. I dunno. I've been out of it since Taben disappeared. When I found out where he reappeared I kinda spazzed. I'm trying to get ahold of Mat to see when Taben disappeared from his place down there. Work and home life must be keping him busy. At least that what I want to believe. I don't want to think of anything else.

Classes for summer session start tomorrow. my class schedule is like a mini hell. It's going to suck ass. I wish I could get off with just a couple classes like Ry and Taben. Oh, yeah. Ry's transfered to our school now. This is awesome and full of win. Now if Taben wakes up it's going to be much more awesome and full of win, because, you know he won't miss any class time and face academic probation. That would suck so bad for him.

I'm gonna stop rambling and head off and get stuff done. the house is a total mess since we've all been worried about work life and Taben. Now that Taben's back I can stop Taben worry and get to work on house cleaning. Cause I'm totally the fuckin' girl and get all the house chores. Should be Taben's job, he's more girly than me.... I'm gonna get punched when he sees that.... it'll be worth it though. At least it means he's awake and pucnhing me, right?

Ok, really, heading out. See ya all later. I'm so behind I have no idea when I'll be able to catch up. I feel so horrible and all as well... since, y'know so many people are counting on me and shit. I'm sorry guys, I really am. I feel like a shitty friend.