Tuesday, August 23, 2011

A Clone no more

I'm leaving this here to rot, leaving it to stand as it's own story.

Every time I come here I don't write. I don't pour out my thoughts. I start reading over what I've written in the past and I get either extremely depressed, or extremely pissed. And I don't think Derek or KK want to deal with those emotional outbursts when they happen.

This is a new path, a new chapter. I know who I am (or at least I think I do) I'm a fighter, not a runner. And I'm going to do everything I can to keep my friends alive. I owe KK and Derek my life. I'd be dead if it were not for them, and they allowed me to stay here with them. And I appreciate it. So, I'm done. I'm done with the first chapter of my life. Now I'm moving on to the bigger and better second chapter. I hope to see you all there.

Saturday, August 20, 2011

Made a stupid

If anyone hasn’t seen, yeah, I’ve made a stupid. A really big stupid. KK has every right to call me the names she’s called me and treat me the way she’s treated me. I’m a fucktard and a stupid idiot.

But… tough love, right? Even if she’s completely ignoring me now. I’ll give her her time and space. I’m… slowly on the mend and trying to figure things out. I guess I should tell you how it’s all been going down. Though her post describes it all, so I’ll start with this morning.

I had been thinking and sobbing and feeling stupid and guilty and pitiful yesterday. So much is just, so confusing. So uncertain. This hatchling thing… isn’t real? That’s the biggest thing that’s bothering me. Which is alright I guess. It could be me feeling self pity again. I miss Brennon, I do, but everyone’s right. KK’s right. It’s time to nut up and move on. So I’m going to live for Brennon, and do the things he’d want me to do. Oh right. I’m side tracked now, my bad.

So what happened. This morning I come awake after falling asleep at the dinning table. I woke up forgetting where I was. I heard movement and looked up and saw her moving around doing stuff. She didn’t noticed me and I remained silent sitting up rubbing sleep from my eyes and stretching in the chair I was in. I just… sat there like an idiot. I didn’t know what to do or say to anything. So I just sat there and watched and remained silent. I became aware of my face itching, and then the nasty smell that rose from me and my clothes. I realized I’d not shaved or even bathed since Brennon had died. So here I am, looking absolutely terrible. I have no clothes. I stink, I’m unkempt and I’m in the apartment of a complete stranger who had attacked me. To be fair I just showed up at her doorstep but, really. Who in their right mind wouldn’t want to keep an eye on and beat someone who randomly did that? I couldn’t think of anyone. Finally I got up the gall to see if they were at least willing to listen and talk.

“Hello?” My voice crackled with the words and I saw a taller nerdy looking guy come in and look to me. Short, brown, hair; glasses, freckles. He reminded me of Brennon in a way, and I hesitated before speaking. “I… I stink.” He seemed to regard me a moment before he spoke up.

“Just figuring that out?” He said in such a matter of fact tone and with such a light smile that I lost it an broke down laughing. I don’t know how long I was laughing for. But I finally calmed down and caught my breath.

“I just need like.. a shower and a shave.. and clean clothes… and… well damn, everything.” I started looking around realizing my bag I had was nowhere to be seen. “Did you see a bag? my bag? I thought I had it. I don’t remember.” At this point I realize how much my head is hurting like a bitch and the monster of a headache I have.

"Uhm..." He paused seeming thoughtful and shook his head then left the room. I got up slowly and followed curiously looking around the apartment we were in. And there sat KK. I kinda winced and I musta had a pretty guilty look on my face. I loosely remembered what had happened the day prior and the things I'd said and, well yeah, the guilt washed over me there. So I took a deep breath and bit the bullet.

"Uhm... hi... uh.. KK." I stuttered over my words, I was the intruder here and my head still hurt from the abuse she'd put me through. "Look... I'm... sorry about everything from yesterday but, well I don't think you totally understand. Christine was your sister, Brennon was my lover and-- " I was cut off as she glared at me. I winced and felt myself back away a little bit.

"Brennon was your lover and Christine was MINE. So yeah, I really DO, you pathetic jackass." She growled still scowling at me. I... felt pretty terrible then.

"Yeah... wow... let's see if I can put my foot anymore into my throat..." I sighed and shook my head. "I'm sorry, I really am, I didn't know and I'm sorry. I'm an ass. I assumed. Lesson learned. Now... I need a shower... may I use yours?"

"Sure," She said as she looked away. "Just don't use my shampoo, that shit's expensive." And with that, I feel the ice was broken. A bit at least. I got my shower, Derek was kind enough to bring me a clean pair of her clothes and then we went to the a store where I could get some clean clothes as well as a few other things I needed. Then we came back and started planning what to do next. 
I've seen that both Branwen and Malkin and Chastin are looking for me. And I feel like SHIT for what I've done. I'm so sorry guys, so sorry for what I've done. I've not been myself. Brennon's death has really fucked me up, and it's going to take time to heal completely. I'm slowly on the mend. My Gods it's been over a week now? I can't believe he's been gone for a week. I'm sure the funeral's already been done. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry babe. Maybe, maybe I'll go find a park or something around here and do a special tribute to him, or something.

For now, I need to get going. I want to do my part around the place since I'm going to be staying. I'm sorry to not actively be seeking everyone out that's coming to find me, but I still need time to heal and adjust and figure out what the hell is going on.

This hatchling thing. It was a lie. All in my head. I imagined it all. And it was so fucked up that anyone around me when I went through all of it was affected as well. I'm not even sure what's real or fake anymore. Was Malkin and Chastin real or fake? Is Brennon still possibly out there somewhere? Ygg? Was he a figment of my imagination? Or is he what fed me my insanity? I'm just so confused. And really, I just need... time. So please guys, give me time. If you come out here, find a hotel, lay low and I'll hook up with you when I feel better. And when Chastin no longer wants to kill me. For now, I promised to put my cooking skills to the test for lunch and dinner, so there we have it. I'll catch you all later.

Stay safe. Eyes open.

Monday, August 15, 2011

When the River Meets the Sea

Very long and productive day. I know where I need to go. I'll head there first thing in the morning. I'll pack up, leave the room, hand them my money and be on my way. I won't go into any details on how I got what I needed but I did it, I'm rather proud of myself really.

I'll say that the hotel I'm at here is really nice. Lots of trees, a park not far from me. Gorgeous view of the river. It's... just gorgeous.. definitely a place I'm most content to die in. I feel like I've come home.  Mom, Dad, Sam, Dean, and Brennon. I'll be home soon. I'll see you all in the Summer Land. I love you guys. Love you and miss you all so much. Soon guys. Soon.

I'm going to have a nice dinner, get things hashed out and make sure I get this all taken care of. I want KK to know for sure what is to be done after I die. She gets everything. Everything. She's just... thank you so much for this KK. I appreciate it. I've been nothing without Brennon, and now, now I'll be whole again. You'll help me join him again.

Soon Brennon, we'll be together again soon. I love you Brennon. I miss you. I'll see you. Soon.

Sunday, August 14, 2011

Freedom is Mine

I have a friend who has made a promise, a promise of death, that I need to seek out. Death will be mine, this endless torture, Gone. All gone. I want it gone forever. But first, first perhaps I should explain to you how I came upon this wonderful freedom.

You see, I snuck out of my room when I was certain that one named Malkin was out and resting with his precious little Chastin. Sleeping, I could hear him snoozing away. I was blocking that connection. He didn’t feel or hear a single thought of what I had planned. I’m certain that he did not. So, I went downstairs. And then into the garage. We kept the gasoline there for the lawn mower. And then it was time to bathe every single little bit. I didn’t want to think of this anymore. Never again. I lost him. I lost Brennon. I lost myself. I’m nothing anymore. Nothing, nothing. Gone. Boom. Bang. Bleck. The gas, the wonderful smell. Oh that foul little creature that I still watched for the overgrown feline that stalked and wished to kill me. I wetted down his feline with that gas. Raven was her name. a fat black cat. I made sure I got the stairs being quiet as possible. And then, as I moved to leave, Raven she tried to follow me. I couldn’t allow that. I locked all the doors all the windows shut them all. Oh this was going to be glorious. Beautiful. Gorgeous.  Raven tried to get out as I left. Nope nope. She won’t. I lit a match and threw it on her. She exploded into a fire ball of fur and yowled, screamed, and shot around the house. Lighting the gas as she ran. I saw her go up the steps before I closed the door and locked it. Then for good measure I put stuff in the way and made sure the door would not be able to slide open. I didn’t do it with the front door. Maybe I should have, but the stairs were on fire, so they’d have no way to escape. Malkin wouldn’t let me kill Chastin, so I’ll kill them both! I ran away to the forest. I hid in the woods. I watched and watched, and then that’s when I thought would be the best time to do it. I broke that bond we shared. Broke broke broke. Don’t need that anymore. I’ll show him. Show him good. Oh yes, I heard the screaming, and I left.

I went away, far far away into the woods and away from that burning shack of nothing. No more putrid memories breaking their way through. I emptied our bank account and made my way by bus. I’m here at the airport now. I’m on my way to the west coast. I’ve never been to the west coast, but I’m free now. I’m free to wander and go where I want. But I’m just going to go, and I’m going to let my dear friend Kelsey end it all for me, and leave her this wad of money and this beaten old laptop as a thank you. Death is a release, not a punishment.

Oh and there is my flight! Tata! I’ll see you all on the other side!

Friday, August 12, 2011


Brennon's Gone. He's gone. Gone gone gone gone. That Bitch Andromeda, she fucking did it. She took my Brennon away from me. that fucking bitch I'll kill her. I swear to gods I'll kill her! Fuck her to all hells and frak her till she dies with pointy shit and sticks and ugh I just want to fucking kill her!

My Gods, Brennon, I'm so sorry. I'm so so sorry. I love you babe. I love you I'm sorry I let her do that! I'm sorry I couldn't help you. I'm so sorry. I miss you I love you. I'm so sorry. I'm so very sorry. It's all my fucking fault! I should have let The Slender Man do what he wanted with me and turn me into the monster. This would have never happened. And it did. Because I wouldn't give in. I couldn't give in and I just wanted to help people. I wanted to save lives! And what do I get? More lives wasted. Allen, Brennon, Sam, Dean my parents. All gone. All gone. Sammi and Crow and just. Gods dammit! How could I?! How fucking coul I?!

I'll find her and I'll kill her! And I'll kill anyone that tries to stop me. and then it'll be doe and I'll join Brennon. Brennon. Oh my Gods Brennon I'm so sorry. I'm sorry. I'll kill her for you then I'll come to you. I'll be with you again. Anyone that tries to stop me will die. I'll get her. And then we'll be together. Meet me in the Summer Land. Oh... oh no. My Gods no! How the hell am I going to do this?! That fucking bitch!

I just want Brennon back. I want to be with him. I can't do this. I can't keep going like this. I'm done. I'm ready to go. So I just need to find her and kill her and then, then I'll go to Brennon. We'll be together again. I love you Brennon. I'll be there soon. We'll be together in the afterlife. Just don't move on without me. Please. By Gods don't move on without me. I love you. I love you so much. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.

So sorry.

Just let me die... I'm ready now. Let me die.

Everyone's gone. I'm alone. I don't have the support I need. Malkin's a fuckin pussy. He won't approach me. He keeps hiding. He still has his precious Chastin. He doesn't understand, he'll never understand what it's like. Well he can fuck off too. Brnwen and the others, they're far away. They want nothing to do with me. They can go to hell for all I care. No one fucking wants to listen to me and stay near me. I'm this abombination. I do NOT WANT THIS ANYMORE! No Fucking. More! I don't want to be a fucking hatchling monster. Just take it th fuck away from me and kill me! Don't make me fucking suffer anymore! I swaer to the Gods above I will go after and kill everyone that's a pain in the fucking ass and wnats to bother the fuck out of me. They can all go and fucking die.

Just let me go. Let me die. It's better this way. It's better. I need Brennon. I need him. I love you Brennon. I'm ready. Ready to see you again. Come to me. Help me find my way to the Summer Land. I love you. I love you so much. Soon. I promise we'll be together again soon. Soon. I love you. Just wait for me. Soon...

Tuesday, August 9, 2011


It took forever, but we finally got the fucking interview we wanted. We were all sitting down to dinner tonight when He appeared. We've grown so accustom to it that we just disregarded it for a moment. That and things are just melding together for me. When I'm not home, I'm at the hospital with Brennon. And really, I'm only home to eat.

Anyways we were sitting down when He showed up. I just didn't want anything to do with Him. He just stood there watching us.

Malkin was pissed, I was just trying to ignore him. Chastin's still uncomfortable with him and left the room. Branwen and the others just kind of remained silent trying to eat and ignore him. Finally Malkin got fed up with it.

"What the fuck are you going to do about Taben?!" He demanded. He was seething. I could feel it coming off him. I tried to mentally calm him. I don't think it worked. Slendy remained quiet and just stared at us. I could tell he wasn't happy with Malkin. He still wasn't happy with me for when I got drunk and tentacle slapped the shit out of him. I didn't care. I was getting even more pissed he wasn't answering. And I was quite ready to begin tentacle slapping the shit out of him once again.

"You go mute or something?" I said not holding back the scathing tone of voice.

"Ungrateful child! I do not answer to any one of you or your ilk. I am not a puppet meant to be controlled." Slender's voice came into my head. I could see every one cringe. He was bespeaking all of us at the same time I assumed. Most hadn't heard his voice. All I could think was that at least they weren't hearing ///It///.

"You broke your truce, you went against your word." I spat. "I think that gives us more than enough reasons for the demands we're making of you. You took Allen, you've caused Taben to go insane. You said no harm would come to any of us!"

"I have not broken any word I have given or any truce I have made." He spoke slowly as though to let us take in every word. "Allen was not on this property when I took him. The truce that I made, the word I gave was that I would not harm anyone on your property. The word I gave to you was that I would not allow the Dark One to cause any harm to you. I still do hold to that."

"You liar!" Malkin and I screeched at the same time. I really hate that our minds are connected sometimes.

"I am incapable of lying," was his response. "Remember, I also said that as long as you learn under me, you are under my protection. You are a defiant child and have proven yourself unworthy of that which I have to teach you. I have tried to show you the path and you continuously turn your back on it. I am simply showing you what the consequences are for rebelling." I clenched my fists and fought to control myself. He continued in a scathing tone. "Even now you are wanting to attack me. It would be unwise, my child. I cannot handle this insubordination any longer. You have one more chance. I have spared you this long, should you defy me yet again, then the consequences would be most severe."

"Is there anything that we can do for Taben, surely you can help him? Do something for him? Give him Allen back? You didn't kill him did you? You just have him hidden from It?" I asked hopefully.

"He is safe. I'll say no more." I think we all breathed some relief but it was short lived when he continued. "The one you call Taben is all but dead, as is such with those that serve the Dark One. It is best you let him leave your life, otherwise you will witness only pain." I couldn't find a reply. I just started going over other questions to ask in my mind. Branwen beat me too it though.

"Are we safe from you, since, we're with Ai?" She seemed hesitant to ask this and I just looked to her worriedly.

"Safe is a relative term. You are as safe from me, as you are from the Dark One." He paused and seemed to regard us a moment. "It is just a matter of time before you know."

With that he simply disappeared. And I got pissed and.. yeah. I'm with Brennon at the hospital now. I've stolen his laptop to post this while he sleeps and everything is still fresh in my mind. He had his grafting procedure done today and they expect it all to take and he'll be better and healed in time. He's still in a lot of pain and they're keeping him on some really strong pain killers. I've been trying to think over things and figure out what to do. I am angry at myself for not trusting Him. He's been fair with us. We could be dead by we're not.  That means something, right? I'm so confused, and uncertain. And tired. Fuck am I tired. I've not actually felt this way for a while. Maybe I'll take this time and spend it with Brennon and snooze. I'll try and figure shit out tomorrow.

Take care every one. Stay safe, eyes open.

Saturday, August 6, 2011

Fucking ass...

So I went to interview Slendy... we were all ready. Malkin was trying to think of shit and so was everyone else. We finally get everyone together to do the interview and the bastard leaves. I was not happy.

Then that entry with KK pops up? I don't know if she's hallucinating, or if that shit's really happening. Some part of me wants to say it's a mixture of the two. Either way, I am not happy. And we have even more questions now. Fucking ass had better stick around to answer them today or I'll start following after him to get his attention and get him to talk to me. Pisses me the fuck off. I just thought I'd come home and check on shit. After he lefts I went back with Brennon. I just got home and am going to go back here shortly. You all deserve an update though. Here it is.

Friday, August 5, 2011

I just got home from visiting Brennon in the hospital. He's doing well. They're going to send him in for a grafting surgery to help his injured legs and feet where they need to replace the skin. He'll be going in for that Monday. We've been working to keep him hydrated. They're really keeping a good eye on him and he's doing much better than I expected. He's awake and well enough to do things so when I go in tomorrow I'll be taking his laptop in to him so he can work and what not. I'm just trying to keep an eye on things around here when I get the chance to. Taben's going insane and still making threats against all of us. I'm waiting to see Slendy because Gods know I have a lot of questions for him and if he doesn't answer them it won't be pretty.

Think of the Devil and He shall appear. Going to go and get this interview done and over with. Then I'm going to go back to Brennon. I've found if I use teleportation crap I can get past everyone and hide and be with him even when we're not supposed to be. I love him, and I'm scared to death that Taben might find him and attack him. I can't let that happen. I feel bad that Chastin and Malkin have to remain here, and I feel bad that Bran and the others aren't seeing as much of me. We're going to do this interview thig. Then tomorrow, Brennon's told me I have to be here to spend time with them before they leave. So... that's what's going to happen.

I'm scared to death at the thought of them leaving. Leaving didn't save Sam and Dean... it's not going to save them. I don't want to loose them, then I'd just be alone... It'd just be Brennon, Malkin, Chas and me.... and that scares me. I don't know what I'd do if I lost everyone.

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Gone and back

Brennon's in the hospital. He's relatively alright. We just got back, they're keeping him there and asked us to leave. Again the bullshit about not being 'legally married' because were same sex. That just peeves me the fuck off. So, in addition to the broken leg and busted ribs he'd had, he now has a shit load of stitches and bandages, he also has rope burns around his wrists and one wrist is sprained. His legs and feet have have third degree burns on them. They're keeping in him the hospital under observation. Brennon's parents came in to see him so of course the doctor's told me I had to leave since I'm not 'family'. Fuck it. I'm so pissed and yet so relieved. Pissed at Taben (and the doctors), relieve to have Brennon home. I feel bad that I'm going to be so bothered that I won't be able to spend as much time with Branwen and the others before they leave. I wish I could keep them here. I don't want them to go where they can be hunted. No one deserves to be hunted.

I made a report to the cops. They're going to be keeping their eyes open for Taben now. I hate doing it to him, part of me feels he has to be saved, that he's saveable. Then the other part of me just... doesn't know. He's lost. I can't forgive him, not after this. I almost lost Brennon. I can't let this happen again. I'm so fucking confused.

Alex, thank you. Thank you so so much. I know I've told you a million times in person but thank you. Thank you a million times over. Now to try and forget about this shit hole of a 24 hours and not be pissed and want to beat the crap out of the doctors. Ugh. I'll be heading back a bit later to check on him. I'm hoping to be able to sneak in and overnight with him. I don't think they'll allow it though.

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Strike Three...

You're Out. Never, ever again will I ever want to see him near me or my family and friends. He's lost to me. He's gone.

The Eagle? That's Brennon.

Bran and the group got here, we were enjoying each other's company and the seeming quietness. Brennon had gone to nap a bit after work. I had worked on dinner with the help of Bran and went to get Brennon for dinner. He wasn't in his room I figured he'd be downstairs in the game room. And started down. Passing through the living room/kitchn ara to the basement steps Bran looks up to me.

"Aiden? Who's the Eagle? It's none of us." I just stare at her with a raised brow.

"Brennon's the eagle... why?" She seemed to pale and looked between the others and turned her laptop for me to see. I moved to look and saw the post. I read it over and got angrier and angrier with each word I read. My back started hurting and i could feel it moving. I need to learn to control them. I think it scared the crap out of everyone around ,e. I don't even know what to do. I can't believe I failed Brennon! I lost my husband and I'm just such a fucking ass and UGH! I went out and tried to find him but just... I'm so pissed and angry that I just don't know... and.. I just need to learn to control things but fuck... I have to teach myself... how do I teach myself. I swear to fucking GODS that he hurts Brennon... or worse. I WILL Fucking kill him dead. You do NOT touch my husband. At all. Ever. Fucking hells bastards need to fucking die and leave me and my family alone.

I'm going to try and calm down and go out and try and look again... Gods dammit Brennon, I'm so sorry... I'm going to go talk to Malkin and see if he can help.. and.. and maybe Alex... he's still so uncertain though.. I don't want to force him.

Oh my flying fuck.

I have nerve had a headache this damned bad in all my fucking life... and at the same time I'm pissed as all hells. I fell asleep. I broke my fucking experiment by falling asleep. Though... I will admit... it was nice to wake up being cuddled up with Brennon. It's been so long since we've just.. been together. I thought he was afraid of me because of what I was becoming/am. I guess maybe I was wrong? I don't know.

I just know I want this headache to go the fuck away. Fucking hangover... i wouldn't think I'd be able to have one... fuck, whatever. My head fucking hurts. I think some food and coffee are in order. Hopefully that helps. Note to self. Never drink alcohol after not drinking any for more than a month, not eating for a few weeks and not drinking anything for even longer.

On the plus side, now I have results for what happens when a hatchling gets pissed drunk.

Ugh. Whatever. Food. I'm out.

Monday, August 1, 2011


Shit man. It's like so fucking awesome and stuff. Seems lik drunkeness is really fucking heightened like this. Man I feel toasted. I've yet to sleep. Haha ha maybe I should keep drinking and keep staying up. See how long I can go with being no sleeps stuffs. And stuff. I don't know. Rawr! Taben wants to kill me and Brennon and shit. It's fucking sad i mean fuck man. just kill me now. I'm a mouse hear me squeak lol like a mouse can do anything to a tiger. Fuck man... I feel so fucking waisted. I love mead.... meeeeeead. lol meeeaaad. Fuck me. I wabnt more mead fuck mead lol getting me dome tastey mead. cause I can't do anything fucking else but ruin people's lives. My husband hates me because I'm a monster, my boyfriend hates me because I got his husband and son killed and Malkin and chastin are scared and wanting to pull away cause of all the fucking drama that surrounds me. Something tells me that Slendy kept his word, but fuck i'm so fucking drunk maybe it's the Mead talkin to me me. Makin me talk. I dunno. lololololol fuck man i'm gonna get more. Everh ad mead? it's sweet and honeyey and addicting. Fuck yeah. moar mead. Heaven, Mother fuckin heaven