I'm leaving this here to rot, leaving it to stand as it's own story.
Every time I come here I don't write. I don't pour out my thoughts. I start reading over what I've written in the past and I get either extremely depressed, or extremely pissed. And I don't think Derek or KK want to deal with those emotional outbursts when they happen.
This is a new path, a new chapter. I know who I am (or at least I think I do) I'm a fighter, not a runner. And I'm going to do everything I can to keep my friends alive. I owe KK and Derek my life. I'd be dead if it were not for them, and they allowed me to stay here with them. And I appreciate it. So, I'm done. I'm done with the first chapter of my life. Now I'm moving on to the bigger and better second chapter. I hope to see you all there.
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
Saturday, August 20, 2011
Made a stupid
If anyone hasn’t seen, yeah, I’ve made a stupid. A really big stupid. KK has every right to call me the names she’s called me and treat me the way she’s treated me. I’m a fucktard and a stupid idiot.
But… tough love, right? Even if she’s completely ignoring me now. I’ll give her her time and space. I’m… slowly on the mend and trying to figure things out. I guess I should tell you how it’s all been going down. Though her post describes it all, so I’ll start with this morning.
I had been thinking and sobbing and feeling stupid and guilty and pitiful yesterday. So much is just, so confusing. So uncertain. This hatchling thing… isn’t real? That’s the biggest thing that’s bothering me. Which is alright I guess. It could be me feeling self pity again. I miss Brennon, I do, but everyone’s right. KK’s right. It’s time to nut up and move on. So I’m going to live for Brennon, and do the things he’d want me to do. Oh right. I’m side tracked now, my bad.
So what happened. This morning I come awake after falling asleep at the dinning table. I woke up forgetting where I was. I heard movement and looked up and saw her moving around doing stuff. She didn’t noticed me and I remained silent sitting up rubbing sleep from my eyes and stretching in the chair I was in. I just… sat there like an idiot. I didn’t know what to do or say to anything. So I just sat there and watched and remained silent. I became aware of my face itching, and then the nasty smell that rose from me and my clothes. I realized I’d not shaved or even bathed since Brennon had died. So here I am, looking absolutely terrible. I have no clothes. I stink, I’m unkempt and I’m in the apartment of a complete stranger who had attacked me. To be fair I just showed up at her doorstep but, really. Who in their right mind wouldn’t want to keep an eye on and beat someone who randomly did that? I couldn’t think of anyone. Finally I got up the gall to see if they were at least willing to listen and talk.
“Hello?” My voice crackled with the words and I saw a taller nerdy looking guy come in and look to me. Short, brown, hair; glasses, freckles. He reminded me of Brennon in a way, and I hesitated before speaking. “I… I stink.” He seemed to regard me a moment before he spoke up.
“Just figuring that out?” He said in such a matter of fact tone and with such a light smile that I lost it an broke down laughing. I don’t know how long I was laughing for. But I finally calmed down and caught my breath.
“I just need like.. a shower and a shave.. and clean clothes… and… well damn, everything.” I started looking around realizing my bag I had was nowhere to be seen. “Did you see a bag? my bag? I thought I had it. I don’t remember.” At this point I realize how much my head is hurting like a bitch and the monster of a headache I have.
"Uhm..." He paused seeming thoughtful and shook his head then left the room. I got up slowly and followed curiously looking around the apartment we were in. And there sat KK. I kinda winced and I musta had a pretty guilty look on my face. I loosely remembered what had happened the day prior and the things I'd said and, well yeah, the guilt washed over me there. So I took a deep breath and bit the bullet.
"Uhm... hi... uh.. KK." I stuttered over my words, I was the intruder here and my head still hurt from the abuse she'd put me through. "Look... I'm... sorry about everything from yesterday but, well I don't think you totally understand. Christine was your sister, Brennon was my lover and-- " I was cut off as she glared at me. I winced and felt myself back away a little bit.
"Brennon was your lover and Christine was MINE. So yeah, I really DO, you pathetic jackass." She growled still scowling at me. I... felt pretty terrible then.
"Yeah... wow... let's see if I can put my foot anymore into my throat..." I sighed and shook my head. "I'm sorry, I really am, I didn't know and I'm sorry. I'm an ass. I assumed. Lesson learned. Now... I need a shower... may I use yours?"
"Sure," She said as she looked away. "Just don't use my shampoo, that shit's expensive." And with that, I feel the ice was broken. A bit at least. I got my shower, Derek was kind enough to bring me a clean pair of her clothes and then we went to the a store where I could get some clean clothes as well as a few other things I needed. Then we came back and started planning what to do next.
But… tough love, right? Even if she’s completely ignoring me now. I’ll give her her time and space. I’m… slowly on the mend and trying to figure things out. I guess I should tell you how it’s all been going down. Though her post describes it all, so I’ll start with this morning.
I had been thinking and sobbing and feeling stupid and guilty and pitiful yesterday. So much is just, so confusing. So uncertain. This hatchling thing… isn’t real? That’s the biggest thing that’s bothering me. Which is alright I guess. It could be me feeling self pity again. I miss Brennon, I do, but everyone’s right. KK’s right. It’s time to nut up and move on. So I’m going to live for Brennon, and do the things he’d want me to do. Oh right. I’m side tracked now, my bad.
So what happened. This morning I come awake after falling asleep at the dinning table. I woke up forgetting where I was. I heard movement and looked up and saw her moving around doing stuff. She didn’t noticed me and I remained silent sitting up rubbing sleep from my eyes and stretching in the chair I was in. I just… sat there like an idiot. I didn’t know what to do or say to anything. So I just sat there and watched and remained silent. I became aware of my face itching, and then the nasty smell that rose from me and my clothes. I realized I’d not shaved or even bathed since Brennon had died. So here I am, looking absolutely terrible. I have no clothes. I stink, I’m unkempt and I’m in the apartment of a complete stranger who had attacked me. To be fair I just showed up at her doorstep but, really. Who in their right mind wouldn’t want to keep an eye on and beat someone who randomly did that? I couldn’t think of anyone. Finally I got up the gall to see if they were at least willing to listen and talk.
“Hello?” My voice crackled with the words and I saw a taller nerdy looking guy come in and look to me. Short, brown, hair; glasses, freckles. He reminded me of Brennon in a way, and I hesitated before speaking. “I… I stink.” He seemed to regard me a moment before he spoke up.
“Just figuring that out?” He said in such a matter of fact tone and with such a light smile that I lost it an broke down laughing. I don’t know how long I was laughing for. But I finally calmed down and caught my breath.
“I just need like.. a shower and a shave.. and clean clothes… and… well damn, everything.” I started looking around realizing my bag I had was nowhere to be seen. “Did you see a bag? my bag? I thought I had it. I don’t remember.” At this point I realize how much my head is hurting like a bitch and the monster of a headache I have.
"Uhm..." He paused seeming thoughtful and shook his head then left the room. I got up slowly and followed curiously looking around the apartment we were in. And there sat KK. I kinda winced and I musta had a pretty guilty look on my face. I loosely remembered what had happened the day prior and the things I'd said and, well yeah, the guilt washed over me there. So I took a deep breath and bit the bullet.
"Uhm... hi... uh.. KK." I stuttered over my words, I was the intruder here and my head still hurt from the abuse she'd put me through. "Look... I'm... sorry about everything from yesterday but, well I don't think you totally understand. Christine was your sister, Brennon was my lover and-- " I was cut off as she glared at me. I winced and felt myself back away a little bit.
"Brennon was your lover and Christine was MINE. So yeah, I really DO, you pathetic jackass." She growled still scowling at me. I... felt pretty terrible then.
"Yeah... wow... let's see if I can put my foot anymore into my throat..." I sighed and shook my head. "I'm sorry, I really am, I didn't know and I'm sorry. I'm an ass. I assumed. Lesson learned. Now... I need a shower... may I use yours?"
"Sure," She said as she looked away. "Just don't use my shampoo, that shit's expensive." And with that, I feel the ice was broken. A bit at least. I got my shower, Derek was kind enough to bring me a clean pair of her clothes and then we went to the a store where I could get some clean clothes as well as a few other things I needed. Then we came back and started planning what to do next.
I've seen that both Branwen and Malkin and Chastin are looking for me. And I feel like SHIT for what I've done. I'm so sorry guys, so sorry for what I've done. I've not been myself. Brennon's death has really fucked me up, and it's going to take time to heal completely. I'm slowly on the mend. My Gods it's been over a week now? I can't believe he's been gone for a week. I'm sure the funeral's already been done. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry babe. Maybe, maybe I'll go find a park or something around here and do a special tribute to him, or something.
For now, I need to get going. I want to do my part around the place since I'm going to be staying. I'm sorry to not actively be seeking everyone out that's coming to find me, but I still need time to heal and adjust and figure out what the hell is going on.
This hatchling thing. It was a lie. All in my head. I imagined it all. And it was so fucked up that anyone around me when I went through all of it was affected as well. I'm not even sure what's real or fake anymore. Was Malkin and Chastin real or fake? Is Brennon still possibly out there somewhere? Ygg? Was he a figment of my imagination? Or is he what fed me my insanity? I'm just so confused. And really, I just need... time. So please guys, give me time. If you come out here, find a hotel, lay low and I'll hook up with you when I feel better. And when Chastin no longer wants to kill me. For now, I promised to put my cooking skills to the test for lunch and dinner, so there we have it. I'll catch you all later.
Stay safe. Eyes open.
For now, I need to get going. I want to do my part around the place since I'm going to be staying. I'm sorry to not actively be seeking everyone out that's coming to find me, but I still need time to heal and adjust and figure out what the hell is going on.
This hatchling thing. It was a lie. All in my head. I imagined it all. And it was so fucked up that anyone around me when I went through all of it was affected as well. I'm not even sure what's real or fake anymore. Was Malkin and Chastin real or fake? Is Brennon still possibly out there somewhere? Ygg? Was he a figment of my imagination? Or is he what fed me my insanity? I'm just so confused. And really, I just need... time. So please guys, give me time. If you come out here, find a hotel, lay low and I'll hook up with you when I feel better. And when Chastin no longer wants to kill me. For now, I promised to put my cooking skills to the test for lunch and dinner, so there we have it. I'll catch you all later.
Stay safe. Eyes open.
Monday, August 15, 2011
When the River Meets the Sea
Very long and productive day. I know where I need to go. I'll head there first thing in the morning. I'll pack up, leave the room, hand them my money and be on my way. I won't go into any details on how I got what I needed but I did it, I'm rather proud of myself really.
I'll say that the hotel I'm at here is really nice. Lots of trees, a park not far from me. Gorgeous view of the river. It's... just gorgeous.. definitely a place I'm most content to die in. I feel like I've come home. Mom, Dad, Sam, Dean, and Brennon. I'll be home soon. I'll see you all in the Summer Land. I love you guys. Love you and miss you all so much. Soon guys. Soon.
I'm going to have a nice dinner, get things hashed out and make sure I get this all taken care of. I want KK to know for sure what is to be done after I die. She gets everything. Everything. She's just... thank you so much for this KK. I appreciate it. I've been nothing without Brennon, and now, now I'll be whole again. You'll help me join him again.
Soon Brennon, we'll be together again soon. I love you Brennon. I miss you. I'll see you. Soon.
I'll say that the hotel I'm at here is really nice. Lots of trees, a park not far from me. Gorgeous view of the river. It's... just gorgeous.. definitely a place I'm most content to die in. I feel like I've come home. Mom, Dad, Sam, Dean, and Brennon. I'll be home soon. I'll see you all in the Summer Land. I love you guys. Love you and miss you all so much. Soon guys. Soon.
I'm going to have a nice dinner, get things hashed out and make sure I get this all taken care of. I want KK to know for sure what is to be done after I die. She gets everything. Everything. She's just... thank you so much for this KK. I appreciate it. I've been nothing without Brennon, and now, now I'll be whole again. You'll help me join him again.
Soon Brennon, we'll be together again soon. I love you Brennon. I miss you. I'll see you. Soon.
Sunday, August 14, 2011
Freedom is Mine
I have a friend who has made a promise, a promise of death, that I need to seek out. Death will be mine, this endless torture, Gone. All gone. I want it gone forever. But first, first perhaps I should explain to you how I came upon this wonderful freedom.
You see, I snuck out of my room when I was certain that one named Malkin was out and resting with his precious little Chastin. Sleeping, I could hear him snoozing away. I was blocking that connection. He didn’t feel or hear a single thought of what I had planned. I’m certain that he did not. So, I went downstairs. And then into the garage. We kept the gasoline there for the lawn mower. And then it was time to bathe every single little bit. I didn’t want to think of this anymore. Never again. I lost him. I lost Brennon. I lost myself. I’m nothing anymore. Nothing, nothing. Gone. Boom. Bang. Bleck. The gas, the wonderful smell. Oh that foul little creature that I still watched for the overgrown feline that stalked and wished to kill me. I wetted down his feline with that gas. Raven was her name. a fat black cat. I made sure I got the stairs being quiet as possible. And then, as I moved to leave, Raven she tried to follow me. I couldn’t allow that. I locked all the doors all the windows shut them all. Oh this was going to be glorious. Beautiful. Gorgeous. Raven tried to get out as I left. Nope nope. She won’t. I lit a match and threw it on her. She exploded into a fire ball of fur and yowled, screamed, and shot around the house. Lighting the gas as she ran. I saw her go up the steps before I closed the door and locked it. Then for good measure I put stuff in the way and made sure the door would not be able to slide open. I didn’t do it with the front door. Maybe I should have, but the stairs were on fire, so they’d have no way to escape. Malkin wouldn’t let me kill Chastin, so I’ll kill them both! I ran away to the forest. I hid in the woods. I watched and watched, and then that’s when I thought would be the best time to do it. I broke that bond we shared. Broke broke broke. Don’t need that anymore. I’ll show him. Show him good. Oh yes, I heard the screaming, and I left.
You see, I snuck out of my room when I was certain that one named Malkin was out and resting with his precious little Chastin. Sleeping, I could hear him snoozing away. I was blocking that connection. He didn’t feel or hear a single thought of what I had planned. I’m certain that he did not. So, I went downstairs. And then into the garage. We kept the gasoline there for the lawn mower. And then it was time to bathe every single little bit. I didn’t want to think of this anymore. Never again. I lost him. I lost Brennon. I lost myself. I’m nothing anymore. Nothing, nothing. Gone. Boom. Bang. Bleck. The gas, the wonderful smell. Oh that foul little creature that I still watched for the overgrown feline that stalked and wished to kill me. I wetted down his feline with that gas. Raven was her name. a fat black cat. I made sure I got the stairs being quiet as possible. And then, as I moved to leave, Raven she tried to follow me. I couldn’t allow that. I locked all the doors all the windows shut them all. Oh this was going to be glorious. Beautiful. Gorgeous. Raven tried to get out as I left. Nope nope. She won’t. I lit a match and threw it on her. She exploded into a fire ball of fur and yowled, screamed, and shot around the house. Lighting the gas as she ran. I saw her go up the steps before I closed the door and locked it. Then for good measure I put stuff in the way and made sure the door would not be able to slide open. I didn’t do it with the front door. Maybe I should have, but the stairs were on fire, so they’d have no way to escape. Malkin wouldn’t let me kill Chastin, so I’ll kill them both! I ran away to the forest. I hid in the woods. I watched and watched, and then that’s when I thought would be the best time to do it. I broke that bond we shared. Broke broke broke. Don’t need that anymore. I’ll show him. Show him good. Oh yes, I heard the screaming, and I left.
I went away, far far away into the woods and away from that burning shack of nothing. No more putrid memories breaking their way through. I emptied our bank account and made my way by bus. I’m here at the airport now. I’m on my way to the west coast. I’ve never been to the west coast, but I’m free now. I’m free to wander and go where I want. But I’m just going to go, and I’m going to let my dear friend Kelsey end it all for me, and leave her this wad of money and this beaten old laptop as a thank you. Death is a release, not a punishment.
Oh and there is my flight! Tata! I’ll see you all on the other side!
Oh and there is my flight! Tata! I’ll see you all on the other side!
Friday, August 12, 2011
Soon...
Brennon's Gone. He's gone. Gone gone gone gone. That Bitch Andromeda, she fucking did it. She took my Brennon away from me. that fucking bitch I'll kill her. I swear to gods I'll kill her! Fuck her to all hells and frak her till she dies with pointy shit and sticks and ugh I just want to fucking kill her!
My Gods, Brennon, I'm so sorry. I'm so so sorry. I love you babe. I love you I'm sorry I let her do that! I'm sorry I couldn't help you. I'm so sorry. I miss you I love you. I'm so sorry. I'm so very sorry. It's all my fucking fault! I should have let The Slender Man do what he wanted with me and turn me into the monster. This would have never happened. And it did. Because I wouldn't give in. I couldn't give in and I just wanted to help people. I wanted to save lives! And what do I get? More lives wasted. Allen, Brennon, Sam, Dean my parents. All gone. All gone. Sammi and Crow and just. Gods dammit! How could I?! How fucking coul I?!
I'll find her and I'll kill her! And I'll kill anyone that tries to stop me. and then it'll be doe and I'll join Brennon. Brennon. Oh my Gods Brennon I'm so sorry. I'm sorry. I'll kill her for you then I'll come to you. I'll be with you again. Anyone that tries to stop me will die. I'll get her. And then we'll be together. Meet me in the Summer Land. Oh... oh no. My Gods no! How the hell am I going to do this?! That fucking bitch!
I just want Brennon back. I want to be with him. I can't do this. I can't keep going like this. I'm done. I'm ready to go. So I just need to find her and kill her and then, then I'll go to Brennon. We'll be together again. I love you Brennon. I'll be there soon. We'll be together in the afterlife. Just don't move on without me. Please. By Gods don't move on without me. I love you. I love you so much. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.
So sorry.
Just let me die... I'm ready now. Let me die.
Everyone's gone. I'm alone. I don't have the support I need. Malkin's a fuckin pussy. He won't approach me. He keeps hiding. He still has his precious Chastin. He doesn't understand, he'll never understand what it's like. Well he can fuck off too. Brnwen and the others, they're far away. They want nothing to do with me. They can go to hell for all I care. No one fucking wants to listen to me and stay near me. I'm this abombination. I do NOT WANT THIS ANYMORE! No Fucking. More! I don't want to be a fucking hatchling monster. Just take it th fuck away from me and kill me! Don't make me fucking suffer anymore! I swaer to the Gods above I will go after and kill everyone that's a pain in the fucking ass and wnats to bother the fuck out of me. They can all go and fucking die.
Just let me go. Let me die. It's better this way. It's better. I need Brennon. I need him. I love you Brennon. I'm ready. Ready to see you again. Come to me. Help me find my way to the Summer Land. I love you. I love you so much. Soon. I promise we'll be together again soon. Soon. I love you. Just wait for me. Soon...
My Gods, Brennon, I'm so sorry. I'm so so sorry. I love you babe. I love you I'm sorry I let her do that! I'm sorry I couldn't help you. I'm so sorry. I miss you I love you. I'm so sorry. I'm so very sorry. It's all my fucking fault! I should have let The Slender Man do what he wanted with me and turn me into the monster. This would have never happened. And it did. Because I wouldn't give in. I couldn't give in and I just wanted to help people. I wanted to save lives! And what do I get? More lives wasted. Allen, Brennon, Sam, Dean my parents. All gone. All gone. Sammi and Crow and just. Gods dammit! How could I?! How fucking coul I?!
I'll find her and I'll kill her! And I'll kill anyone that tries to stop me. and then it'll be doe and I'll join Brennon. Brennon. Oh my Gods Brennon I'm so sorry. I'm sorry. I'll kill her for you then I'll come to you. I'll be with you again. Anyone that tries to stop me will die. I'll get her. And then we'll be together. Meet me in the Summer Land. Oh... oh no. My Gods no! How the hell am I going to do this?! That fucking bitch!
I just want Brennon back. I want to be with him. I can't do this. I can't keep going like this. I'm done. I'm ready to go. So I just need to find her and kill her and then, then I'll go to Brennon. We'll be together again. I love you Brennon. I'll be there soon. We'll be together in the afterlife. Just don't move on without me. Please. By Gods don't move on without me. I love you. I love you so much. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.
So sorry.
Just let me die... I'm ready now. Let me die.
Everyone's gone. I'm alone. I don't have the support I need. Malkin's a fuckin pussy. He won't approach me. He keeps hiding. He still has his precious Chastin. He doesn't understand, he'll never understand what it's like. Well he can fuck off too. Brnwen and the others, they're far away. They want nothing to do with me. They can go to hell for all I care. No one fucking wants to listen to me and stay near me. I'm this abombination. I do NOT WANT THIS ANYMORE! No Fucking. More! I don't want to be a fucking hatchling monster. Just take it th fuck away from me and kill me! Don't make me fucking suffer anymore! I swaer to the Gods above I will go after and kill everyone that's a pain in the fucking ass and wnats to bother the fuck out of me. They can all go and fucking die.
Just let me go. Let me die. It's better this way. It's better. I need Brennon. I need him. I love you Brennon. I'm ready. Ready to see you again. Come to me. Help me find my way to the Summer Land. I love you. I love you so much. Soon. I promise we'll be together again soon. Soon. I love you. Just wait for me. Soon...
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
Interview
It took forever, but we finally got the fucking interview we wanted. We were all sitting down to dinner tonight when He appeared. We've grown so accustom to it that we just disregarded it for a moment. That and things are just melding together for me. When I'm not home, I'm at the hospital with Brennon. And really, I'm only home to eat.
Anyways we were sitting down when He showed up. I just didn't want anything to do with Him. He just stood there watching us.
Malkin was pissed, I was just trying to ignore him. Chastin's still uncomfortable with him and left the room. Branwen and the others just kind of remained silent trying to eat and ignore him. Finally Malkin got fed up with it.
"What the fuck are you going to do about Taben?!" He demanded. He was seething. I could feel it coming off him. I tried to mentally calm him. I don't think it worked. Slendy remained quiet and just stared at us. I could tell he wasn't happy with Malkin. He still wasn't happy with me for when I got drunk and tentacle slapped the shit out of him. I didn't care. I was getting even more pissed he wasn't answering. And I was quite ready to begin tentacle slapping the shit out of him once again.
"You go mute or something?" I said not holding back the scathing tone of voice.
"Ungrateful child! I do not answer to any one of you or your ilk. I am not a puppet meant to be controlled." Slender's voice came into my head. I could see every one cringe. He was bespeaking all of us at the same time I assumed. Most hadn't heard his voice. All I could think was that at least they weren't hearing ///It///.
"You broke your truce, you went against your word." I spat. "I think that gives us more than enough reasons for the demands we're making of you. You took Allen, you've caused Taben to go insane. You said no harm would come to any of us!"
"I have not broken any word I have given or any truce I have made." He spoke slowly as though to let us take in every word. "Allen was not on this property when I took him. The truce that I made, the word I gave was that I would not harm anyone on your property. The word I gave to you was that I would not allow the Dark One to cause any harm to you. I still do hold to that."
"You liar!" Malkin and I screeched at the same time. I really hate that our minds are connected sometimes.
"I am incapable of lying," was his response. "Remember, I also said that as long as you learn under me, you are under my protection. You are a defiant child and have proven yourself unworthy of that which I have to teach you. I have tried to show you the path and you continuously turn your back on it. I am simply showing you what the consequences are for rebelling." I clenched my fists and fought to control myself. He continued in a scathing tone. "Even now you are wanting to attack me. It would be unwise, my child. I cannot handle this insubordination any longer. You have one more chance. I have spared you this long, should you defy me yet again, then the consequences would be most severe."
"Is there anything that we can do for Taben, surely you can help him? Do something for him? Give him Allen back? You didn't kill him did you? You just have him hidden from It?" I asked hopefully.
"He is safe. I'll say no more." I think we all breathed some relief but it was short lived when he continued. "The one you call Taben is all but dead, as is such with those that serve the Dark One. It is best you let him leave your life, otherwise you will witness only pain." I couldn't find a reply. I just started going over other questions to ask in my mind. Branwen beat me too it though.
"Are we safe from you, since, we're with Ai?" She seemed hesitant to ask this and I just looked to her worriedly.
"Safe is a relative term. You are as safe from me, as you are from the Dark One." He paused and seemed to regard us a moment. "It is just a matter of time before you know."
With that he simply disappeared. And I got pissed and.. yeah. I'm with Brennon at the hospital now. I've stolen his laptop to post this while he sleeps and everything is still fresh in my mind. He had his grafting procedure done today and they expect it all to take and he'll be better and healed in time. He's still in a lot of pain and they're keeping him on some really strong pain killers. I've been trying to think over things and figure out what to do. I am angry at myself for not trusting Him. He's been fair with us. We could be dead by we're not. That means something, right? I'm so confused, and uncertain. And tired. Fuck am I tired. I've not actually felt this way for a while. Maybe I'll take this time and spend it with Brennon and snooze. I'll try and figure shit out tomorrow.
Take care every one. Stay safe, eyes open.
Anyways we were sitting down when He showed up. I just didn't want anything to do with Him. He just stood there watching us.
Malkin was pissed, I was just trying to ignore him. Chastin's still uncomfortable with him and left the room. Branwen and the others just kind of remained silent trying to eat and ignore him. Finally Malkin got fed up with it.
"What the fuck are you going to do about Taben?!" He demanded. He was seething. I could feel it coming off him. I tried to mentally calm him. I don't think it worked. Slendy remained quiet and just stared at us. I could tell he wasn't happy with Malkin. He still wasn't happy with me for when I got drunk and tentacle slapped the shit out of him. I didn't care. I was getting even more pissed he wasn't answering. And I was quite ready to begin tentacle slapping the shit out of him once again.
"You go mute or something?" I said not holding back the scathing tone of voice.
"Ungrateful child! I do not answer to any one of you or your ilk. I am not a puppet meant to be controlled." Slender's voice came into my head. I could see every one cringe. He was bespeaking all of us at the same time I assumed. Most hadn't heard his voice. All I could think was that at least they weren't hearing ///It///.
"You broke your truce, you went against your word." I spat. "I think that gives us more than enough reasons for the demands we're making of you. You took Allen, you've caused Taben to go insane. You said no harm would come to any of us!"
"I have not broken any word I have given or any truce I have made." He spoke slowly as though to let us take in every word. "Allen was not on this property when I took him. The truce that I made, the word I gave was that I would not harm anyone on your property. The word I gave to you was that I would not allow the Dark One to cause any harm to you. I still do hold to that."
"You liar!" Malkin and I screeched at the same time. I really hate that our minds are connected sometimes.
"I am incapable of lying," was his response. "Remember, I also said that as long as you learn under me, you are under my protection. You are a defiant child and have proven yourself unworthy of that which I have to teach you. I have tried to show you the path and you continuously turn your back on it. I am simply showing you what the consequences are for rebelling." I clenched my fists and fought to control myself. He continued in a scathing tone. "Even now you are wanting to attack me. It would be unwise, my child. I cannot handle this insubordination any longer. You have one more chance. I have spared you this long, should you defy me yet again, then the consequences would be most severe."
"Is there anything that we can do for Taben, surely you can help him? Do something for him? Give him Allen back? You didn't kill him did you? You just have him hidden from It?" I asked hopefully.
"He is safe. I'll say no more." I think we all breathed some relief but it was short lived when he continued. "The one you call Taben is all but dead, as is such with those that serve the Dark One. It is best you let him leave your life, otherwise you will witness only pain." I couldn't find a reply. I just started going over other questions to ask in my mind. Branwen beat me too it though.
"Are we safe from you, since, we're with Ai?" She seemed hesitant to ask this and I just looked to her worriedly.
"Safe is a relative term. You are as safe from me, as you are from the Dark One." He paused and seemed to regard us a moment. "It is just a matter of time before you know."
With that he simply disappeared. And I got pissed and.. yeah. I'm with Brennon at the hospital now. I've stolen his laptop to post this while he sleeps and everything is still fresh in my mind. He had his grafting procedure done today and they expect it all to take and he'll be better and healed in time. He's still in a lot of pain and they're keeping him on some really strong pain killers. I've been trying to think over things and figure out what to do. I am angry at myself for not trusting Him. He's been fair with us. We could be dead by we're not. That means something, right? I'm so confused, and uncertain. And tired. Fuck am I tired. I've not actually felt this way for a while. Maybe I'll take this time and spend it with Brennon and snooze. I'll try and figure shit out tomorrow.
Take care every one. Stay safe, eyes open.
Saturday, August 6, 2011
Fucking ass...
So I went to interview Slendy... we were all ready. Malkin was trying to think of shit and so was everyone else. We finally get everyone together to do the interview and the bastard leaves. I was not happy.
Then that entry with KK pops up? I don't know if she's hallucinating, or if that shit's really happening. Some part of me wants to say it's a mixture of the two. Either way, I am not happy. And we have even more questions now. Fucking ass had better stick around to answer them today or I'll start following after him to get his attention and get him to talk to me. Pisses me the fuck off. I just thought I'd come home and check on shit. After he lefts I went back with Brennon. I just got home and am going to go back here shortly. You all deserve an update though. Here it is.
Then that entry with KK pops up? I don't know if she's hallucinating, or if that shit's really happening. Some part of me wants to say it's a mixture of the two. Either way, I am not happy. And we have even more questions now. Fucking ass had better stick around to answer them today or I'll start following after him to get his attention and get him to talk to me. Pisses me the fuck off. I just thought I'd come home and check on shit. After he lefts I went back with Brennon. I just got home and am going to go back here shortly. You all deserve an update though. Here it is.
Friday, August 5, 2011
I just got home from visiting Brennon in the hospital. He's doing well. They're going to send him in for a grafting surgery to help his injured legs and feet where they need to replace the skin. He'll be going in for that Monday. We've been working to keep him hydrated. They're really keeping a good eye on him and he's doing much better than I expected. He's awake and well enough to do things so when I go in tomorrow I'll be taking his laptop in to him so he can work and what not. I'm just trying to keep an eye on things around here when I get the chance to. Taben's going insane and still making threats against all of us. I'm waiting to see Slendy because Gods know I have a lot of questions for him and if he doesn't answer them it won't be pretty.
Think of the Devil and He shall appear. Going to go and get this interview done and over with. Then I'm going to go back to Brennon. I've found if I use teleportation crap I can get past everyone and hide and be with him even when we're not supposed to be. I love him, and I'm scared to death that Taben might find him and attack him. I can't let that happen. I feel bad that Chastin and Malkin have to remain here, and I feel bad that Bran and the others aren't seeing as much of me. We're going to do this interview thig. Then tomorrow, Brennon's told me I have to be here to spend time with them before they leave. So... that's what's going to happen.
I'm scared to death at the thought of them leaving. Leaving didn't save Sam and Dean... it's not going to save them. I don't want to loose them, then I'd just be alone... It'd just be Brennon, Malkin, Chas and me.... and that scares me. I don't know what I'd do if I lost everyone.
Think of the Devil and He shall appear. Going to go and get this interview done and over with. Then I'm going to go back to Brennon. I've found if I use teleportation crap I can get past everyone and hide and be with him even when we're not supposed to be. I love him, and I'm scared to death that Taben might find him and attack him. I can't let that happen. I feel bad that Chastin and Malkin have to remain here, and I feel bad that Bran and the others aren't seeing as much of me. We're going to do this interview thig. Then tomorrow, Brennon's told me I have to be here to spend time with them before they leave. So... that's what's going to happen.
I'm scared to death at the thought of them leaving. Leaving didn't save Sam and Dean... it's not going to save them. I don't want to loose them, then I'd just be alone... It'd just be Brennon, Malkin, Chas and me.... and that scares me. I don't know what I'd do if I lost everyone.
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
Gone and back
Brennon's in the hospital. He's relatively alright. We just got back, they're keeping him there and asked us to leave. Again the bullshit about not being 'legally married' because were same sex. That just peeves me the fuck off. So, in addition to the broken leg and busted ribs he'd had, he now has a shit load of stitches and bandages, he also has rope burns around his wrists and one wrist is sprained. His legs and feet have have third degree burns on them. They're keeping in him the hospital under observation. Brennon's parents came in to see him so of course the doctor's told me I had to leave since I'm not 'family'. Fuck it. I'm so pissed and yet so relieved. Pissed at Taben (and the doctors), relieve to have Brennon home. I feel bad that I'm going to be so bothered that I won't be able to spend as much time with Branwen and the others before they leave. I wish I could keep them here. I don't want them to go where they can be hunted. No one deserves to be hunted.
I made a report to the cops. They're going to be keeping their eyes open for Taben now. I hate doing it to him, part of me feels he has to be saved, that he's saveable. Then the other part of me just... doesn't know. He's lost. I can't forgive him, not after this. I almost lost Brennon. I can't let this happen again. I'm so fucking confused.
Alex, thank you. Thank you so so much. I know I've told you a million times in person but thank you. Thank you a million times over. Now to try and forget about this shit hole of a 24 hours and not be pissed and want to beat the crap out of the doctors. Ugh. I'll be heading back a bit later to check on him. I'm hoping to be able to sneak in and overnight with him. I don't think they'll allow it though.
I made a report to the cops. They're going to be keeping their eyes open for Taben now. I hate doing it to him, part of me feels he has to be saved, that he's saveable. Then the other part of me just... doesn't know. He's lost. I can't forgive him, not after this. I almost lost Brennon. I can't let this happen again. I'm so fucking confused.
Alex, thank you. Thank you so so much. I know I've told you a million times in person but thank you. Thank you a million times over. Now to try and forget about this shit hole of a 24 hours and not be pissed and want to beat the crap out of the doctors. Ugh. I'll be heading back a bit later to check on him. I'm hoping to be able to sneak in and overnight with him. I don't think they'll allow it though.
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
Strike Three...
You're Out. Never, ever again will I ever want to see him near me or my family and friends. He's lost to me. He's gone.
The Eagle? That's Brennon.
Bran and the group got here, we were enjoying each other's company and the seeming quietness. Brennon had gone to nap a bit after work. I had worked on dinner with the help of Bran and went to get Brennon for dinner. He wasn't in his room I figured he'd be downstairs in the game room. And started down. Passing through the living room/kitchn ara to the basement steps Bran looks up to me.
"Aiden? Who's the Eagle? It's none of us." I just stare at her with a raised brow.
"Brennon's the eagle... why?" She seemed to pale and looked between the others and turned her laptop for me to see. I moved to look and saw the post. I read it over and got angrier and angrier with each word I read. My back started hurting and i could feel it moving. I need to learn to control them. I think it scared the crap out of everyone around ,e. I don't even know what to do. I can't believe I failed Brennon! I lost my husband and I'm just such a fucking ass and UGH! I went out and tried to find him but just... I'm so pissed and angry that I just don't know... and.. I just need to learn to control things but fuck... I have to teach myself... how do I teach myself. I swear to fucking GODS that he hurts Brennon... or worse. I WILL Fucking kill him dead. You do NOT touch my husband. At all. Ever. Fucking hells bastards need to fucking die and leave me and my family alone.
I'm going to try and calm down and go out and try and look again... Gods dammit Brennon, I'm so sorry... I'm going to go talk to Malkin and see if he can help.. and.. and maybe Alex... he's still so uncertain though.. I don't want to force him.
The Eagle? That's Brennon.
Bran and the group got here, we were enjoying each other's company and the seeming quietness. Brennon had gone to nap a bit after work. I had worked on dinner with the help of Bran and went to get Brennon for dinner. He wasn't in his room I figured he'd be downstairs in the game room. And started down. Passing through the living room/kitchn ara to the basement steps Bran looks up to me.
"Aiden? Who's the Eagle? It's none of us." I just stare at her with a raised brow.
"Brennon's the eagle... why?" She seemed to pale and looked between the others and turned her laptop for me to see. I moved to look and saw the post. I read it over and got angrier and angrier with each word I read. My back started hurting and i could feel it moving. I need to learn to control them. I think it scared the crap out of everyone around ,e. I don't even know what to do. I can't believe I failed Brennon! I lost my husband and I'm just such a fucking ass and UGH! I went out and tried to find him but just... I'm so pissed and angry that I just don't know... and.. I just need to learn to control things but fuck... I have to teach myself... how do I teach myself. I swear to fucking GODS that he hurts Brennon... or worse. I WILL Fucking kill him dead. You do NOT touch my husband. At all. Ever. Fucking hells bastards need to fucking die and leave me and my family alone.
I'm going to try and calm down and go out and try and look again... Gods dammit Brennon, I'm so sorry... I'm going to go talk to Malkin and see if he can help.. and.. and maybe Alex... he's still so uncertain though.. I don't want to force him.
Oh my flying fuck.
I have nerve had a headache this damned bad in all my fucking life... and at the same time I'm pissed as all hells. I fell asleep. I broke my fucking experiment by falling asleep. Though... I will admit... it was nice to wake up being cuddled up with Brennon. It's been so long since we've just.. been together. I thought he was afraid of me because of what I was becoming/am. I guess maybe I was wrong? I don't know.
I just know I want this headache to go the fuck away. Fucking hangover... i wouldn't think I'd be able to have one... fuck, whatever. My head fucking hurts. I think some food and coffee are in order. Hopefully that helps. Note to self. Never drink alcohol after not drinking any for more than a month, not eating for a few weeks and not drinking anything for even longer.
On the plus side, now I have results for what happens when a hatchling gets pissed drunk.
Ugh. Whatever. Food. I'm out.
I just know I want this headache to go the fuck away. Fucking hangover... i wouldn't think I'd be able to have one... fuck, whatever. My head fucking hurts. I think some food and coffee are in order. Hopefully that helps. Note to self. Never drink alcohol after not drinking any for more than a month, not eating for a few weeks and not drinking anything for even longer.
On the plus side, now I have results for what happens when a hatchling gets pissed drunk.
Ugh. Whatever. Food. I'm out.
Monday, August 1, 2011
Duuuuuuude
Shit man. It's like so fucking awesome and stuff. Seems lik drunkeness is really fucking heightened like this. Man I feel toasted. I've yet to sleep. Haha ha maybe I should keep drinking and keep staying up. See how long I can go with being no sleeps stuffs. And stuff. I don't know. Rawr! Taben wants to kill me and Brennon and shit. It's fucking sad i mean fuck man. just kill me now. I'm a mouse hear me squeak lol like a mouse can do anything to a tiger. Fuck man... I feel so fucking waisted. I love mead.... meeeeeead. lol meeeaaad. Fuck me. I wabnt more mead fuck mead lol getting me dome tastey mead. cause I can't do anything fucking else but ruin people's lives. My husband hates me because I'm a monster, my boyfriend hates me because I got his husband and son killed and Malkin and chastin are scared and wanting to pull away cause of all the fucking drama that surrounds me. Something tells me that Slendy kept his word, but fuck i'm so fucking drunk maybe it's the Mead talkin to me me. Makin me talk. I dunno. lololololol fuck man i'm gonna get more. Everh ad mead? it's sweet and honeyey and addicting. Fuck yeah. moar mead. Heaven, Mother fuckin heaven
Saturday, July 30, 2011
I don't know what to say. I honestly didn't want to post anything. At all. But I feel the need too.
Everything was going great. Taben was there and I was nervous but we hung out and... it was like nothing had ever happened. It was normal. I had my boyfriend back, my friend and we were happy. Eventually he moved around with the group visiting those he knew and I took Malkin into the woods to practice and learn. He did pretty well and learned quickly. As a test I had him follow Taben when he snuck off with his friend Mark to hike one of the trails. He seemed a bit troubled when he came back but he had done the job very well, I had asked Taben if he'd noticed and he had said no. He felt a bit betrayed about it but was fine otherwise. He seemed really distracted though and wanted to go back into the woods and on the trails. I ran Malkin through some other simple tests ad we did a couple joint things and all went well as can be hoped for.
Then Taben just.. went missing. We couldn't find him anywhere. We searched the trails. We searched the park. We assumed that he just went 'home' I assume he went into the woods to 'work' or see his boss/master whatever. I don't know. I'm so confused. All I know is when we finally left our phones were ringing off the hook. Brennon and Chastin trying to call us. Allen was missing. Slender Man took him. Brennon was injured, he's doing alright, just in a lot of pain. He's stuck on bed rest for a few days. And won't be allowed back to the office until his ribs have healed up a bit. They were telling him three weeks and that he had to take it easy. Thank goodness he's at a desk all day and can work from home. Makes it easier. Still worried for him though. At least he's alright.
Oh to make things worse. Taben's turned against us again. He says it's our fault that Slendy took Allen and we're going to die for it. He's denounced Slender Man as his Master and disappeared into the woods. This makes me extremely uneasy.
I'm also very uncertain. Very confused... And I feel like a total failure. I just need to sit and rest. I'm going to sit back, relax and drink some of the mead we have and just... i dunno. I'm just done. I'm a failure. How am I going to help anyone. I just keep making it worse.
Everything was going great. Taben was there and I was nervous but we hung out and... it was like nothing had ever happened. It was normal. I had my boyfriend back, my friend and we were happy. Eventually he moved around with the group visiting those he knew and I took Malkin into the woods to practice and learn. He did pretty well and learned quickly. As a test I had him follow Taben when he snuck off with his friend Mark to hike one of the trails. He seemed a bit troubled when he came back but he had done the job very well, I had asked Taben if he'd noticed and he had said no. He felt a bit betrayed about it but was fine otherwise. He seemed really distracted though and wanted to go back into the woods and on the trails. I ran Malkin through some other simple tests ad we did a couple joint things and all went well as can be hoped for.
Then Taben just.. went missing. We couldn't find him anywhere. We searched the trails. We searched the park. We assumed that he just went 'home' I assume he went into the woods to 'work' or see his boss/master whatever. I don't know. I'm so confused. All I know is when we finally left our phones were ringing off the hook. Brennon and Chastin trying to call us. Allen was missing. Slender Man took him. Brennon was injured, he's doing alright, just in a lot of pain. He's stuck on bed rest for a few days. And won't be allowed back to the office until his ribs have healed up a bit. They were telling him three weeks and that he had to take it easy. Thank goodness he's at a desk all day and can work from home. Makes it easier. Still worried for him though. At least he's alright.
Oh to make things worse. Taben's turned against us again. He says it's our fault that Slendy took Allen and we're going to die for it. He's denounced Slender Man as his Master and disappeared into the woods. This makes me extremely uneasy.
I'm also very uncertain. Very confused... And I feel like a total failure. I just need to sit and rest. I'm going to sit back, relax and drink some of the mead we have and just... i dunno. I'm just done. I'm a failure. How am I going to help anyone. I just keep making it worse.
Friday, July 29, 2011
Picnic outing
Yes. I said it. Randomly tomorrow. We're going to a picnic outing that the local fur group's having. It's at a nice little place in the middle of nowhere in Cuyahoga Valley National Park. I need to get myself out of this funk. The only way I will be able to do it is if I get out with friends and do crazy crap. My concern? meeting up with Taben, he had been talking about going long ago. And, yeah unease. He'll kill. I know that Brennon and Chastin can take care of themselves and Allen. Malkin needs to practice and learn. And the only way he'll do that is to get around people and to get to uncharted territory that he's never been to. He's been in the woods behind the house here plenty of times. He knows it, he's familiar with it. So he can't learn anything with it. It's about an hour away. There will be people he never met.
I apologize to Malkin in advance if furries aren't your thing, but I guarantee we won't be around them much. But since you were cool with out friends when Taben got Slendy after their ass you'd probably be cool with this picnic thing as well. I'll pay your way in as well, so don't worry about that.
In other news, still have not eaten anything, and have not drank anything. been almost two weeks. And been even longer without sleep. And I'm feeling fine. Boy does this save us money around the house. though i do miss the taste of stuff in my mouth. I think I'll go another week to be sure it is what it is before I return to my normal routine of eating and drinking. It's too much of a social thing and i miss sitting and having dinner with everyone else. We have the best conversations then. I think I'm going to start cooking as well.
I know people won't want to hear this, but I think I'm going to stop college. I'm so busy with all this current madness I just don't have time. I want to concentrate on helping others. I dunno. My mind may change but I'm doubtful. We'll see. I have until my first week of fall classes. I just.. will really miss Taben and having him around as college buddy, and again the whole being busy thing. Brennon has a nice cushy job now though so.. do I really need to go too school to get a degree I'll never use? I dunno.
Anyways that's it for not. it's been pretty quiet and there's not been much to really say. I'm going to head off and work on getting the supplies we need to take to the picnic ready. I'll see ya all later. Stay safe, eye open.
I apologize to Malkin in advance if furries aren't your thing, but I guarantee we won't be around them much. But since you were cool with out friends when Taben got Slendy after their ass you'd probably be cool with this picnic thing as well. I'll pay your way in as well, so don't worry about that.
In other news, still have not eaten anything, and have not drank anything. been almost two weeks. And been even longer without sleep. And I'm feeling fine. Boy does this save us money around the house. though i do miss the taste of stuff in my mouth. I think I'll go another week to be sure it is what it is before I return to my normal routine of eating and drinking. It's too much of a social thing and i miss sitting and having dinner with everyone else. We have the best conversations then. I think I'm going to start cooking as well.
I know people won't want to hear this, but I think I'm going to stop college. I'm so busy with all this current madness I just don't have time. I want to concentrate on helping others. I dunno. My mind may change but I'm doubtful. We'll see. I have until my first week of fall classes. I just.. will really miss Taben and having him around as college buddy, and again the whole being busy thing. Brennon has a nice cushy job now though so.. do I really need to go too school to get a degree I'll never use? I dunno.
Anyways that's it for not. it's been pretty quiet and there's not been much to really say. I'm going to head off and work on getting the supplies we need to take to the picnic ready. I'll see ya all later. Stay safe, eye open.
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
Too quiet.
It's been just that lately. Way too quiet. Quieter than I'm comfortable with.
Allen's been doing well. He's been in the rec room playing Katamari. I usually sit on the couch and watch. I've also got Slendy keeping an eye on him, which he does a good job with. It's the only thing that Da' ever willingly obeys on when I ask him to. I really should sit down and interview him. I just need to come up with questions. I keep expecting Da' to talk with me and ask questions. He never does. He's not been this quiet around us in a long time. I don't know if I like it or not.
I find myself at times missing sleep. No I've yet to actually sleep. No, I'm not tired in the slightest, but it's boring and lonely. I've been spending my spare time sitting and just watching TV or playing games in the rec room. I just look after Allen and keep him as safe as possible.
I guess I should report back on the experiments. It's almost been two weeks without any food. I'm not hungry at all. I mean I feel like I could eat, and I feel myself often wanting to go with the old habit of feeding myself. Then I realize that I'm just not hungry, so I don't eat anything.
I have to go ID Sam and Dean's bodies today. I really don't want to. But it needs to be done. Then we're going to have them cremated. We're working on setting up having a wake for them this weekend. If people want to show up, they can.
I'm just to a point where I just, don't care anymore. I'm going see my loved ones die around me. I'm going to loose them and there's nothing I can do about it. I've half a mind to just go and leave everyone here to protect them and do what Da' wants me to do. He wants me to be a good little hatchling. I should just give in. Then the madness would stop. Or would it? I don't even know anymore.
I hear Allen waking up. I don't think I'll ever be able to get used to these heightened senses. But it means more experimentation. Right? Right.
Ok, going to go handle Allen. Get him fed and taken care of. Malkin agreed to watching Allen while Brennon and I go into the Morgue and make arrangements for Sam and Dean. I can't believe our partner killed my brother and sister. I keep telling myself this isn't him. He's being controlled. But then... why? Why is he still working for ///It/// when we have Allen with us safe and sound? I'm so confused and uncertain. I hope it all makes sense in time.
I just don't want to bury anymore of my family. Brennon, Allen, Malkin, Chastin and Branwen; they're all I have left. Taben's gone. Ryan's gone. My parents are gone and now Sam and Dean. It's killing me. And yet at the same time, I can't do anything about it. I feel empty and emotionless. It's... almost scary. I don't know what I'd do if I lost myself. Above all things; I cannot. Lose. Myself.
Allen's been doing well. He's been in the rec room playing Katamari. I usually sit on the couch and watch. I've also got Slendy keeping an eye on him, which he does a good job with. It's the only thing that Da' ever willingly obeys on when I ask him to. I really should sit down and interview him. I just need to come up with questions. I keep expecting Da' to talk with me and ask questions. He never does. He's not been this quiet around us in a long time. I don't know if I like it or not.
I find myself at times missing sleep. No I've yet to actually sleep. No, I'm not tired in the slightest, but it's boring and lonely. I've been spending my spare time sitting and just watching TV or playing games in the rec room. I just look after Allen and keep him as safe as possible.
I guess I should report back on the experiments. It's almost been two weeks without any food. I'm not hungry at all. I mean I feel like I could eat, and I feel myself often wanting to go with the old habit of feeding myself. Then I realize that I'm just not hungry, so I don't eat anything.
I have to go ID Sam and Dean's bodies today. I really don't want to. But it needs to be done. Then we're going to have them cremated. We're working on setting up having a wake for them this weekend. If people want to show up, they can.
I'm just to a point where I just, don't care anymore. I'm going see my loved ones die around me. I'm going to loose them and there's nothing I can do about it. I've half a mind to just go and leave everyone here to protect them and do what Da' wants me to do. He wants me to be a good little hatchling. I should just give in. Then the madness would stop. Or would it? I don't even know anymore.
I hear Allen waking up. I don't think I'll ever be able to get used to these heightened senses. But it means more experimentation. Right? Right.
Ok, going to go handle Allen. Get him fed and taken care of. Malkin agreed to watching Allen while Brennon and I go into the Morgue and make arrangements for Sam and Dean. I can't believe our partner killed my brother and sister. I keep telling myself this isn't him. He's being controlled. But then... why? Why is he still working for ///It/// when we have Allen with us safe and sound? I'm so confused and uncertain. I hope it all makes sense in time.
I just don't want to bury anymore of my family. Brennon, Allen, Malkin, Chastin and Branwen; they're all I have left. Taben's gone. Ryan's gone. My parents are gone and now Sam and Dean. It's killing me. And yet at the same time, I can't do anything about it. I feel empty and emotionless. It's... almost scary. I don't know what I'd do if I lost myself. Above all things; I cannot. Lose. Myself.
Sunday, July 24, 2011
Back...
I have Allen. It was way to fucking easy. Something smells fishy if you ask me.
I had sent Malin out to keep an eye on Chas and Brennon. After Taben's threats. Haven't heard anything from him. Maybe he'll come for Allen, and we can subdue him. Or... is that the trap right there. We allow Taben in to his son and then he turns and attacks us. I don't know.
Guys... everyone. I just... Sam and Dean are both gone. Dean died on impact. Sam... she was in critical condition but the doctors had hope. That hope was dashed when she gave up this morning. My siblings are gone. I don't know how to take this. I'm thrown back into the sense that this is some nightmare. I thought they'd be safer running. And.. they weren't.
Guys... I... implore you.. all of you. Come up here. Bran, Seth, Skyler, Casey Tadd, Alex. Please guys. Come up here. You'll be safe here. Please. I don't know what I'd do if I lost you all as well. Please. Please. I don't want to loos anyone else. I can't do this anymore. Please....
Or... maybe... maybe they're right. last night. It. Slendy. they both told me this was my path. And this was where I was destine to be. If I didn't come willingly I'd be forced to it by death and despair that will surround me. But I still fight and I still come back to this house. But... why? I find myself wondering why I even bother anymore. Maybe I should just save everyone and give up.
I don't know.
I had sent Malin out to keep an eye on Chas and Brennon. After Taben's threats. Haven't heard anything from him. Maybe he'll come for Allen, and we can subdue him. Or... is that the trap right there. We allow Taben in to his son and then he turns and attacks us. I don't know.
Guys... everyone. I just... Sam and Dean are both gone. Dean died on impact. Sam... she was in critical condition but the doctors had hope. That hope was dashed when she gave up this morning. My siblings are gone. I don't know how to take this. I'm thrown back into the sense that this is some nightmare. I thought they'd be safer running. And.. they weren't.
Guys... I... implore you.. all of you. Come up here. Bran, Seth, Skyler, Casey Tadd, Alex. Please guys. Come up here. You'll be safe here. Please. I don't know what I'd do if I lost you all as well. Please. Please. I don't want to loos anyone else. I can't do this anymore. Please....
Or... maybe... maybe they're right. last night. It. Slendy. they both told me this was my path. And this was where I was destine to be. If I didn't come willingly I'd be forced to it by death and despair that will surround me. But I still fight and I still come back to this house. But... why? I find myself wondering why I even bother anymore. Maybe I should just save everyone and give up.
I don't know.
Saturday, July 23, 2011
Strike Two
I was the one on the phone with them. I heard it all. Sam and Dean, I'm sending prayers that they pull you out. And you recover. I know I'll get a call sooner or later. For now. I have the hint I need. We're going to rescue Allen. We'll keep him here and safe till we can figure out what to do.
I'm hurt and angry and disgusted. But I have the lead I needed. Malkin and I are gonna go for a walk where the black leaves grow. Wish us luck. Stay safe, eyes open.
I'm hurt and angry and disgusted. But I have the lead I needed. Malkin and I are gonna go for a walk where the black leaves grow. Wish us luck. Stay safe, eyes open.
Friday, July 22, 2011
Failure
...Bran... Todd/Alex... I'm... I'm so sorry... So very sorry.
I... don't even know what to do anymore. I don't know how it got to this.
I'm so sorry. I'm a failure. I'm supposed to stop this stuff. Stop it. Taben's my responsibility but it's all gotten out of control. I don't even know what to think.
Actually, yes I do. I think we need to go about this a different way. We need to get Allen back. So, that's our next plan of action. If we have Allen, they'll have no sway over Taben. Taben's not a killer. He just wants his son safe. We can't let Taben kill again. Malkin and I will be out late tonight trying to find Allen. Wish us luck.
I... don't even know what to do anymore. I don't know how it got to this.
I'm so sorry. I'm a failure. I'm supposed to stop this stuff. Stop it. Taben's my responsibility but it's all gotten out of control. I don't even know what to think.
Actually, yes I do. I think we need to go about this a different way. We need to get Allen back. So, that's our next plan of action. If we have Allen, they'll have no sway over Taben. Taben's not a killer. He just wants his son safe. We can't let Taben kill again. Malkin and I will be out late tonight trying to find Allen. Wish us luck.
Strike One
We've lost Taben.
I want to be pissed and angry, but honestly, I don't have the time right now. Slendy's not happy in the slightest. There may be a chance he can get Taben back to us, but I'm not going to get my hopes up just to have them dashed again. For now I've revoked his access to here. He won't be posting here till I know he can be trusted. I'm close to blocking him fully from the content here.
I find myself thinking hard about this.This just doesn't seem like Taben. I find myself wondering if this is a measure Taben's done to keep Allen safe. Allen's still missing. Maybe It and the group have Allen. And are using it as bait. Claiming they'll give Allen back and keep him safe if Taben joins them. I do not like this one bit. Taben would do anything for that kid. It's the only logical explanation.
In other news, I've done it. Malkin's got some... nice advantages he can use now. Maybe it's a good thing Taben's not here. Malkin may need time to learn and understand everything he's been given. And then maybe his blood will be enough to heal Taben. We'll need to keep on guard though. All bets are off if something happens to Allen. Taben will be lost to us forever.
For now, We're going south. Something tells me that they're after Branwen's group. That's the only place I know that has a Crow and a Raven.
I want to be pissed and angry, but honestly, I don't have the time right now. Slendy's not happy in the slightest. There may be a chance he can get Taben back to us, but I'm not going to get my hopes up just to have them dashed again. For now I've revoked his access to here. He won't be posting here till I know he can be trusted. I'm close to blocking him fully from the content here.
I find myself thinking hard about this.This just doesn't seem like Taben. I find myself wondering if this is a measure Taben's done to keep Allen safe. Allen's still missing. Maybe It and the group have Allen. And are using it as bait. Claiming they'll give Allen back and keep him safe if Taben joins them. I do not like this one bit. Taben would do anything for that kid. It's the only logical explanation.
In other news, I've done it. Malkin's got some... nice advantages he can use now. Maybe it's a good thing Taben's not here. Malkin may need time to learn and understand everything he's been given. And then maybe his blood will be enough to heal Taben. We'll need to keep on guard though. All bets are off if something happens to Allen. Taben will be lost to us forever.
For now, We're going south. Something tells me that they're after Branwen's group. That's the only place I know that has a Crow and a Raven.
Hunting Prey
Master won't let its prey get away. No. No we won't. I know where they are. I know. I will get them. I will help aid the hunt. They are good. Good prey. I will find them. It's what we need. The Slender Man will not know what happens.
Crows and Ravens are good meal for tigers. Good meals indeed. Feasting soon. Almost there.
Crows and Ravens are good meal for tigers. Good meals indeed. Feasting soon. Almost there.
Thursday, July 21, 2011
Drama drama drama
The confusion never ends. Does it.
I just had a very angry foreboding Slender Man appear in the room and... well that was pretty fucking scary to have him as angry as he was.
So, it appears that Slendy isn't the one that took Taben this time around (he didn't deny it the first time). Looks like we have a case of It. Well. Fuck. Slendy's not happy in the slightest. But for fuck's sake he doesn't have to scream at me like this. I'm sick of it. Oh, to make matters worse, Slendy says he's 'misplaced' Allen. I hope to hells above this doesn't mean It has him as well. Seriously. I'd like some normalcy... a break from drama, but it seems like it's not likely to ever come. Well. Fuck. So unhappy right now. At least I have Malkin's company. I don't have to fight off the loneliness with the computer. Perhaps that's one plus to this revenant thing. I'm going to do the same with Taben as soon as we get him back. I've found Slendy can't exactly force himself in on my charges. So this may work out for the best. It's just a matter of being sure that Chas is spared.
Well, off to search. Wish us luck.
I just had a very angry foreboding Slender Man appear in the room and... well that was pretty fucking scary to have him as angry as he was.
So, it appears that Slendy isn't the one that took Taben this time around (he didn't deny it the first time). Looks like we have a case of It. Well. Fuck. Slendy's not happy in the slightest. But for fuck's sake he doesn't have to scream at me like this. I'm sick of it. Oh, to make matters worse, Slendy says he's 'misplaced' Allen. I hope to hells above this doesn't mean It has him as well. Seriously. I'd like some normalcy... a break from drama, but it seems like it's not likely to ever come. Well. Fuck. So unhappy right now. At least I have Malkin's company. I don't have to fight off the loneliness with the computer. Perhaps that's one plus to this revenant thing. I'm going to do the same with Taben as soon as we get him back. I've found Slendy can't exactly force himself in on my charges. So this may work out for the best. It's just a matter of being sure that Chas is spared.
Well, off to search. Wish us luck.
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
Ramblings of a hatchling
Does Slendy ever get lonely?
I sit here now with Taben, keeping watch over him. Malkin offered to sit with me and keep me company. Chastin joined us as well. I don't think Malkin's told Chastin yet, that or Chastin's taken it a lot better than I thought he would have. I feel bad, there's no way for him right now to get the answers he needs. I'll have to call Da' here sometime and we'll have a nice big group chat. Maybe tomorrow evening. Er... tonight. Heh, loosing track of the days from not sleeping. Everything blends together so much.
I think Malkin had planned to sit up with me. I'm sorry dear, you're not a Revenant, you don't have the ability to stay up. I won't take the chance of ruining you. Still it was cute seeing the Chas and Malkin fall asleep sitting together, even if Chas's sleep was bothered. Chas woke up and took Malkin in to their room a little later. I smirked and told him "Kitten needs his sleep" He gave me an odd look and smirked and left. I don't think he knows.
I notice, I'm most rambly at this time of the morning. When everyone's asleep, and here I am awake. It must get lonely for Slender Man. Stand around staring at people. Watch them sleep, have them ignore you. Forcefully so at times. You're just not wanted. It must be really lonely.
See, you may not realize it, but I'm a social butterfly. I have to be around people. I get depressed and sad really easy if I'm alone and left to my thoughts. I'm probably the worst person to be chosen by these things to be 'one of them' I will never be like them. Ever. I am me, and that's all that I'll ever be.
So, yeah. Tough luck Da', I know I'm your prodigy and all. But I'll never be what you want me to be. I'm not going to be a murderous controlling monster like you. I'm going to be me. Aiden. The person that loves and cares for all. And that' exactly why I'm going to work with KK. We're going to work and find an answer. We're going to find a way to get rid of you. Forever.
I know what it means, and I'm afraid. But... whatever. It's for the greater good. When it's all said and done I'll just be happy that people will be able to rest in peace and not bear the burden of knowing of your existence. So I do this, for the stalk, for the proxies, revenants, hallowed. For those tht have tried and died in vain. I do this for Rober, and Zero, for Ryan, for Taben. For Zeke and Celeste and Violet and Ava. For Frap and Joce, for Ygg and all those others that have gone before us. I don't care if it means I'm going to die in the end. But I'm going to do this. I'm going to fight. And it will not be in vain. Never in vain.
I love you guys, all of you. I'm hear for you. Just hang on. We'll get to the bottom and the end. Life will get better.
I sit here now with Taben, keeping watch over him. Malkin offered to sit with me and keep me company. Chastin joined us as well. I don't think Malkin's told Chastin yet, that or Chastin's taken it a lot better than I thought he would have. I feel bad, there's no way for him right now to get the answers he needs. I'll have to call Da' here sometime and we'll have a nice big group chat. Maybe tomorrow evening. Er... tonight. Heh, loosing track of the days from not sleeping. Everything blends together so much.
I think Malkin had planned to sit up with me. I'm sorry dear, you're not a Revenant, you don't have the ability to stay up. I won't take the chance of ruining you. Still it was cute seeing the Chas and Malkin fall asleep sitting together, even if Chas's sleep was bothered. Chas woke up and took Malkin in to their room a little later. I smirked and told him "Kitten needs his sleep" He gave me an odd look and smirked and left. I don't think he knows.
I notice, I'm most rambly at this time of the morning. When everyone's asleep, and here I am awake. It must get lonely for Slender Man. Stand around staring at people. Watch them sleep, have them ignore you. Forcefully so at times. You're just not wanted. It must be really lonely.
See, you may not realize it, but I'm a social butterfly. I have to be around people. I get depressed and sad really easy if I'm alone and left to my thoughts. I'm probably the worst person to be chosen by these things to be 'one of them' I will never be like them. Ever. I am me, and that's all that I'll ever be.
So, yeah. Tough luck Da', I know I'm your prodigy and all. But I'll never be what you want me to be. I'm not going to be a murderous controlling monster like you. I'm going to be me. Aiden. The person that loves and cares for all. And that' exactly why I'm going to work with KK. We're going to work and find an answer. We're going to find a way to get rid of you. Forever.
I know what it means, and I'm afraid. But... whatever. It's for the greater good. When it's all said and done I'll just be happy that people will be able to rest in peace and not bear the burden of knowing of your existence. So I do this, for the stalk, for the proxies, revenants, hallowed. For those tht have tried and died in vain. I do this for Rober, and Zero, for Ryan, for Taben. For Zeke and Celeste and Violet and Ava. For Frap and Joce, for Ygg and all those others that have gone before us. I don't care if it means I'm going to die in the end. But I'm going to do this. I'm going to fight. And it will not be in vain. Never in vain.
I love you guys, all of you. I'm hear for you. Just hang on. We'll get to the bottom and the end. Life will get better.
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
Quick updates
New Project's being started. You can learn more about it here:
http://www.thenetworkiswatching.blogspot.com
Taben's doing better. I guess. I've got some... plans and experiments to try. I'll be keeping watch over him tonight. Pale and faceless won't be getting near him tonight. Tomorrow is going to be a full day of looking for Allen. I've alerted the police and they've got parties out tonight. The rest of us will be joining in tomorrow. For now, I'm making sure that Taben's safe and asleep. We need to get this hallowed affect off of him. Slendy won't be happy, but I don't give a flying fuck anymore. Taben's mine. Malkin's mine. That's how it is. If He doesn't like it, then He can kiss off.
I've said it before, and I'll say it again. I'm done pretending to be the friend of the enemy. first priority is Alien faceless. Then it's Slenderp. After that... well. I know what I have to do then. But that's a long ways off.
http://www.thenetworkiswatching.blogspot.com
Taben's doing better. I guess. I've got some... plans and experiments to try. I'll be keeping watch over him tonight. Pale and faceless won't be getting near him tonight. Tomorrow is going to be a full day of looking for Allen. I've alerted the police and they've got parties out tonight. The rest of us will be joining in tomorrow. For now, I'm making sure that Taben's safe and asleep. We need to get this hallowed affect off of him. Slendy won't be happy, but I don't give a flying fuck anymore. Taben's mine. Malkin's mine. That's how it is. If He doesn't like it, then He can kiss off.
I've said it before, and I'll say it again. I'm done pretending to be the friend of the enemy. first priority is Alien faceless. Then it's Slenderp. After that... well. I know what I have to do then. But that's a long ways off.
Losing Time.
Taben is, not me.
I came home to find Taben passed out in bed covered in blood. He was laying in our bed sleeping in a deep undisturbed sleep. I almost didn't want to wake him. But I had to make sure he was alright. I scared him when I woke him and he broke down sobbing and crying and clung to me. I'm not sure what exactly is going on. All I get is apology after apology. He's crying uncontrollably and then I finally coerced him to go take a shower.
When he came out we sat and talked. Judging from what he tells me, he's lost four days. The last thing he remembers was Da' having an electric shock attack, and then playing outside with Allen catching lightning bugs. Nothing after that. So, it's confirmed. He's definitely becoming Hallowed. And I'm willing to bet that Da had him go and help with a killing of some sort. This, in and of itself has me worried. Allen's still missing. Either he wasn't with Taben, or... well I'd rather not think about that. I hope to the Gods above the latter thought is NOT the case. How would Taben even handle that.
In either case, the point is. Taben's Hallowed. We're losing him. It's time to work to keep Da' away. No Slendy. No... Slender Man. I'm done with sounding like I have a relationship with him. In a way maybe I do. But I'm sick of pretending. I do not appreciate him. I hate him. Between Him and It fucking with me I'm becoming more and more inhuman.
Oh, and that's another thing I should. I'm ready to report in on experiment number two. I've not had anything to drink since I began my experiments. This is Thursday, July 14th. That is the last day that I drank anything. I guess I'll go ahead and say that I've been working with experiment number three as well. I've not eaten since the same time. The post where I state that I'm starting experiments is the last time I ate, drank or slept. A human can only go about three days without water. I guess I've ticked off another aspect of being human. I guess we'll see. If I can make it past two weeks without food. Well, we'll see what happens. I'm not feeling to good about any of this.
Oh, and Malkin, we need to talk. I've got some ideas that we need to take into account. Perhaps we can talk with KK and get her opinion on things? I've just got some... very necessary questions and some grand ideas... if we can make them work. I'm just afraid. I'm afraid if I tell you or anyone else, Pale faceless will be able to suck it from you. I can keep him from my thoughts. But I'm unsure about anyone else.
And with that, I'm going to go. I'm gonna get Taben fed and try and talk to him and figure out what's going on. I'm also gonna inquire about Allen. He's said nothing about him since he's been home. So maybe he has him somewhere safe.... that or... maybe he doesn't realize Allen's not here.
I came home to find Taben passed out in bed covered in blood. He was laying in our bed sleeping in a deep undisturbed sleep. I almost didn't want to wake him. But I had to make sure he was alright. I scared him when I woke him and he broke down sobbing and crying and clung to me. I'm not sure what exactly is going on. All I get is apology after apology. He's crying uncontrollably and then I finally coerced him to go take a shower.
When he came out we sat and talked. Judging from what he tells me, he's lost four days. The last thing he remembers was Da' having an electric shock attack, and then playing outside with Allen catching lightning bugs. Nothing after that. So, it's confirmed. He's definitely becoming Hallowed. And I'm willing to bet that Da had him go and help with a killing of some sort. This, in and of itself has me worried. Allen's still missing. Either he wasn't with Taben, or... well I'd rather not think about that. I hope to the Gods above the latter thought is NOT the case. How would Taben even handle that.
In either case, the point is. Taben's Hallowed. We're losing him. It's time to work to keep Da' away. No Slendy. No... Slender Man. I'm done with sounding like I have a relationship with him. In a way maybe I do. But I'm sick of pretending. I do not appreciate him. I hate him. Between Him and It fucking with me I'm becoming more and more inhuman.
Oh, and that's another thing I should. I'm ready to report in on experiment number two. I've not had anything to drink since I began my experiments. This is Thursday, July 14th. That is the last day that I drank anything. I guess I'll go ahead and say that I've been working with experiment number three as well. I've not eaten since the same time. The post where I state that I'm starting experiments is the last time I ate, drank or slept. A human can only go about three days without water. I guess I've ticked off another aspect of being human. I guess we'll see. If I can make it past two weeks without food. Well, we'll see what happens. I'm not feeling to good about any of this.
Oh, and Malkin, we need to talk. I've got some ideas that we need to take into account. Perhaps we can talk with KK and get her opinion on things? I've just got some... very necessary questions and some grand ideas... if we can make them work. I'm just afraid. I'm afraid if I tell you or anyone else, Pale faceless will be able to suck it from you. I can keep him from my thoughts. But I'm unsure about anyone else.
And with that, I'm going to go. I'm gonna get Taben fed and try and talk to him and figure out what's going on. I'm also gonna inquire about Allen. He's said nothing about him since he's been home. So maybe he has him somewhere safe.... that or... maybe he doesn't realize Allen's not here.
Monday, July 18, 2011
Confusion
Can anyone explain this to me? Anyone? Please? I just saw it. And I'm trying to figure out what the hell it means.
Also, Taben is missing. So is Allen. This concerns me. A great deal. I just came back to check on stuff at the house. Sam and Dean have their licenses now. We're sending them out now. We got a bunch of cash for them so they can move for a while, and we've signed the title to the van over to them.
I want them running. I don't know how much more time they have. I don't know how much more time anyone has. I'm losing myself, my boyfriend; Brennon's still close but it's a matter of time till I lose him as well. How many friends with I lose? I hoe I can find Taben and Allen. I've tried to speak with and call Faceless to come and speak with me. Nothing yet.
I'm just so lost and confused. I feel like I'm losing everything. I need to hang on. Just need to hang on. Trying. I. Am. Trying. But... will I prevail?
What the fuck is a witchchilde? What do the names and numbers mean? What the fuck does any of this mean?
Also, Taben is missing. So is Allen. This concerns me. A great deal. I just came back to check on stuff at the house. Sam and Dean have their licenses now. We're sending them out now. We got a bunch of cash for them so they can move for a while, and we've signed the title to the van over to them.
I want them running. I don't know how much more time they have. I don't know how much more time anyone has. I'm losing myself, my boyfriend; Brennon's still close but it's a matter of time till I lose him as well. How many friends with I lose? I hoe I can find Taben and Allen. I've tried to speak with and call Faceless to come and speak with me. Nothing yet.
I'm just so lost and confused. I feel like I'm losing everything. I need to hang on. Just need to hang on. Trying. I. Am. Trying. But... will I prevail?
What the fuck is a witchchilde? What do the names and numbers mean? What the fuck does any of this mean?
Sunday, July 17, 2011
This is not good.
So Taben's just... well. I think we're losing him. I think he's becoming a hallowed. Last night I woke up to what sounded like someone getting sick in the bathroom. I went to check on this and found Taben in there coughing and sputtering blood. I did not want it to come to this. EVER. If this is how he's going to be, then how, how pray tell is he going to be able to protect Allen and keep him safe? Malkin brought up a good point in that.
Let's add into this that he's probably just infected a group of his closest friends. I'm certain that we're going to hear about some disappearances soon. I'm not comfortable with this... and it's not something Taben needs to deal with. Brennon and I were talking as we were laying down to sleep last night. We're losing Taben, we're losing our boyfriend. It seems like this is just.. something Slendy's trying to do. It scared me. It scares both of us. Allen needs Taben, he needs his mom. It's all he has left. Taben, in his Hallowed stupor, came out to his mom.
She's pretty much disowned him. Especially when she found out he had put in papers to legally change his name. She's threatened to take legal action to get Allen from Taben. She can't do it, and Tabne has Allen's doctors behind him on all of this. Allen's grandmother told Allen about this. And Allen go angry.
All Taben has is me, Brennon and Allen and then what few of his friends are left. Malkin, Amber, Mark. I don't know if Chastin considers him as such. Come to think of it, I've hardly seen much of Chastin since he's returned. But still, it's complete chaos.
I have some thoughts and plans though.
Oh, and the experiments I'd been talking about? here's current progress on experiment one.
I've not slept since Wednesday. I'm awake, fine. I'm not tired in the slightest. I can fully function and think. I'm showing no signs of exhaustion or whatever it is normal human beings have to deal with. I don't know if I like this. It may work to my advantage, and if I try to sleep I'm sure I could. I have to wonder as well. How much is Taben actually sleeping now that he's not rooming with us and has gone back to his old bedroom.
Brennon and I want our boyfriend back. Malkin wants his friend back. It's a matter now of convincing Da' to let me have him back and not go after Mal and Chas again.
Lots of thinkin' time ahead of us. Wish us luck.
Let's add into this that he's probably just infected a group of his closest friends. I'm certain that we're going to hear about some disappearances soon. I'm not comfortable with this... and it's not something Taben needs to deal with. Brennon and I were talking as we were laying down to sleep last night. We're losing Taben, we're losing our boyfriend. It seems like this is just.. something Slendy's trying to do. It scared me. It scares both of us. Allen needs Taben, he needs his mom. It's all he has left. Taben, in his Hallowed stupor, came out to his mom.
She's pretty much disowned him. Especially when she found out he had put in papers to legally change his name. She's threatened to take legal action to get Allen from Taben. She can't do it, and Tabne has Allen's doctors behind him on all of this. Allen's grandmother told Allen about this. And Allen go angry.
All Taben has is me, Brennon and Allen and then what few of his friends are left. Malkin, Amber, Mark. I don't know if Chastin considers him as such. Come to think of it, I've hardly seen much of Chastin since he's returned. But still, it's complete chaos.
I have some thoughts and plans though.
Oh, and the experiments I'd been talking about? here's current progress on experiment one.
I've not slept since Wednesday. I'm awake, fine. I'm not tired in the slightest. I can fully function and think. I'm showing no signs of exhaustion or whatever it is normal human beings have to deal with. I don't know if I like this. It may work to my advantage, and if I try to sleep I'm sure I could. I have to wonder as well. How much is Taben actually sleeping now that he's not rooming with us and has gone back to his old bedroom.
Brennon and I want our boyfriend back. Malkin wants his friend back. It's a matter now of convincing Da' to let me have him back and not go after Mal and Chas again.
Lots of thinkin' time ahead of us. Wish us luck.
Thursday, July 14, 2011
Home and mostly safe
Allen is home and safe and sound. Taben is.... well he's worse for wear, but alive. Bruised, cut, slashed and bandaged all over. I think he'll be alright. He's strong. He loves for that kid and as long as Allen is alive and well, so will be Taben. I miss having my tiger at my side. I guess now he's Da's tiger. Now I have a kitten? I dunno. I asked Malkin what he'd identify with, I don't think he took me seriously. He just shrugged. I dun blame him though, if something bad happened between Brennon and I then Brennon came back and apologized and admitted his wrongness I'd be spending as much time as I could as well.
I'm glad hes back. Chastin I mean. I'm glad that Allen's back, but happier that Chas is. Though I dunno if Mal told him about out... connection. I hope he doesn't take that news to hard.
In other news. I'm going to run an experiment. I'm not going to say what it is, but I'll keep updates going. I'm turning into an inhuman monster... so I guess it's time to see how inhuman I could become. It's what They want after all, right?
I'm still going to kill It. I swear. I can't even call It 'It' No. It's a Thing now. Thing makes me pissed. Angry. Furious. I see Taben's feeling reflected in his eyes. He feels the same. Thing too Ry from him. Thing took Mateo from him. And now it's tried to take Allen. We'll fight it, man. We'll fight it. I swear. Thing will never take Allen. Da and everyone else in this house will not allow it.
Also, I'm sending Sam and Dean away. We discussed it at length last night, Brennon, Sam, Dean and I. They fought it. Fought it real hard, but we finally came to an agreement on it. They're going to go. Travel. I'm going to talk to Allex/Todd at length, give him the keys to my van, sign the title over to their name, and send them out. First though, they have to get their licenses. They're working on it now. Good ol' 16. I remember being happy and carefree.. and in love.
Sam and Dean may never get that because they've been thrust into this nightmare. I know they'd be safe here, but, something tells me this won't be a safe haven for much longer. If Thing can find loopholes, come in and takes someone out of the property limits, then it's likely to find other loopholes. I don't want to take chances. If they're gone and away they'll have a better chance of surviving. If I can just help them to live and be... them. Maybe they'll forget all of this. I can only hope. Maybe they'll forget, and then be safe.
We all know those sorts of fairy tales rarely ever happen however. One can hope and pray though, yes?
I guess we shall see how things go. I just wanted to take time, update you all on the previous situation and make my way off to conduct the first of my experiments.
Stay safe, eyes open.
I'm glad hes back. Chastin I mean. I'm glad that Allen's back, but happier that Chas is. Though I dunno if Mal told him about out... connection. I hope he doesn't take that news to hard.
In other news. I'm going to run an experiment. I'm not going to say what it is, but I'll keep updates going. I'm turning into an inhuman monster... so I guess it's time to see how inhuman I could become. It's what They want after all, right?
I'm still going to kill It. I swear. I can't even call It 'It' No. It's a Thing now. Thing makes me pissed. Angry. Furious. I see Taben's feeling reflected in his eyes. He feels the same. Thing too Ry from him. Thing took Mateo from him. And now it's tried to take Allen. We'll fight it, man. We'll fight it. I swear. Thing will never take Allen. Da and everyone else in this house will not allow it.
Also, I'm sending Sam and Dean away. We discussed it at length last night, Brennon, Sam, Dean and I. They fought it. Fought it real hard, but we finally came to an agreement on it. They're going to go. Travel. I'm going to talk to Allex/Todd at length, give him the keys to my van, sign the title over to their name, and send them out. First though, they have to get their licenses. They're working on it now. Good ol' 16. I remember being happy and carefree.. and in love.
Sam and Dean may never get that because they've been thrust into this nightmare. I know they'd be safe here, but, something tells me this won't be a safe haven for much longer. If Thing can find loopholes, come in and takes someone out of the property limits, then it's likely to find other loopholes. I don't want to take chances. If they're gone and away they'll have a better chance of surviving. If I can just help them to live and be... them. Maybe they'll forget all of this. I can only hope. Maybe they'll forget, and then be safe.
We all know those sorts of fairy tales rarely ever happen however. One can hope and pray though, yes?
I guess we shall see how things go. I just wanted to take time, update you all on the previous situation and make my way off to conduct the first of my experiments.
Stay safe, eyes open.
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
It's on, Thing
So, Allen's missing.
I wa taking a nap and was woken to Taben screaming and going insane. It was shortly followed by dear ol' Da going insane. Ever heard him yelling and pitching a fit while angry? Oh it's not a pretty thing. Not at all.
Actually it's the scariest thing I've ever seen next to Taben's Temper. Taben doesn't get mad often but when he does. You'd better look out. Tonight was one of those times. To be woken by Taben, then hear Da going off and just.. yeah scary shit. All around.
I think the part that pisses me off most is the part where I was totally dissed and told to stay home cause I'd 'get in the way' I know Taben's just upset, but... it really hurt. The fact Da' agreed kinda miffed me as well.
Even so, I'm staying put. We know this was Its doing. So... it's a matter of waiting and going freak out mode on the damnable thing.
You don't mess with my family and friends. Especially not the youngin's. You come near me, Thing, you're so fucking dead.
I wa taking a nap and was woken to Taben screaming and going insane. It was shortly followed by dear ol' Da going insane. Ever heard him yelling and pitching a fit while angry? Oh it's not a pretty thing. Not at all.
Actually it's the scariest thing I've ever seen next to Taben's Temper. Taben doesn't get mad often but when he does. You'd better look out. Tonight was one of those times. To be woken by Taben, then hear Da going off and just.. yeah scary shit. All around.
I think the part that pisses me off most is the part where I was totally dissed and told to stay home cause I'd 'get in the way' I know Taben's just upset, but... it really hurt. The fact Da' agreed kinda miffed me as well.
Even so, I'm staying put. We know this was Its doing. So... it's a matter of waiting and going freak out mode on the damnable thing.
You don't mess with my family and friends. Especially not the youngin's. You come near me, Thing, you're so fucking dead.
Fuckin Finally
I figured it out. I got him. I got Mal. I grabbed hi ass and got the fuck out of there. I think he was just about to go into that castle. That would ave been horrible bad. Horribly HORRIBLY bad. But I got him, I grabbed him and brought him back.
We got back and, and Chastin was here. I was... well I'm still confused. At least he's back?
One thing that I'm concerned about is... well, my staying power. It's been what, three days? I lost count. Neither of us have slept. At all. And yet we're still wide awake and fine. Like nothing happened. Only something did happen. It's like a giant nightmare happened.
I'm afraid. Da said He didn't switch Malkin with Taben, He hadn't gotten control of Malkin like He wanted. He seemed upset that I seemed to get control of him. But I didn't do anything. I didn't want to do that to him. At all. I wouldn't have done anything like that. Never, not without asking him. But that leave the question.
How the hell did I gain control of him. I feel like.... I just feel like I betrayed him. I don't know how it happened. I didn't want it to happen. I'm just, going to try and ignore it for now. At least we should all be safe for now. Da seems pissed that I got Malkin so easily. But then that goes back to me not even knowing how. I just... did. Oh and look I was thinking. three days straight. I didn't sleep. THREE. DAYS. STRAIGHT. And I'm not tiered in the slightest. I'm ready to take on the new day. No desire to sleep at all.
I hate this. I don't want to be... this. But here I am. I'm.. this. That place made me feel funny too. I could feel my tendrils. I must have scare the shit outta Mal at first. it's so dark and all you see is silhouettes at first. Seeing some creepy thing with tendrils coming towards him not knowing what it was. At least I was calling to him. Or I thought I was. I don't remember speaking but I remember saying his name, and then him answering me.
I'm just so confused and uncertain and just... lost. I don't want to become this... thing. But.. at the same time, maybe it's alright? Maybe I can make this work. I can save people. I dunno. All I know is I want to just cuddle up with Brennon or Taben or someone and just... let this all pass and go away.
Only time will tell I suppose. I'm off. I'm starving. At least that part of me is still human. Seems holding onto my humanity is becoming a hard thing to do. Need to go with what I have and be thankful I still have it.
We got back and, and Chastin was here. I was... well I'm still confused. At least he's back?
One thing that I'm concerned about is... well, my staying power. It's been what, three days? I lost count. Neither of us have slept. At all. And yet we're still wide awake and fine. Like nothing happened. Only something did happen. It's like a giant nightmare happened.
I'm afraid. Da said He didn't switch Malkin with Taben, He hadn't gotten control of Malkin like He wanted. He seemed upset that I seemed to get control of him. But I didn't do anything. I didn't want to do that to him. At all. I wouldn't have done anything like that. Never, not without asking him. But that leave the question.
How the hell did I gain control of him. I feel like.... I just feel like I betrayed him. I don't know how it happened. I didn't want it to happen. I'm just, going to try and ignore it for now. At least we should all be safe for now. Da seems pissed that I got Malkin so easily. But then that goes back to me not even knowing how. I just... did. Oh and look I was thinking. three days straight. I didn't sleep. THREE. DAYS. STRAIGHT. And I'm not tiered in the slightest. I'm ready to take on the new day. No desire to sleep at all.
I hate this. I don't want to be... this. But here I am. I'm.. this. That place made me feel funny too. I could feel my tendrils. I must have scare the shit outta Mal at first. it's so dark and all you see is silhouettes at first. Seeing some creepy thing with tendrils coming towards him not knowing what it was. At least I was calling to him. Or I thought I was. I don't remember speaking but I remember saying his name, and then him answering me.
I'm just so confused and uncertain and just... lost. I don't want to become this... thing. But.. at the same time, maybe it's alright? Maybe I can make this work. I can save people. I dunno. All I know is I want to just cuddle up with Brennon or Taben or someone and just... let this all pass and go away.
Only time will tell I suppose. I'm off. I'm starving. At least that part of me is still human. Seems holding onto my humanity is becoming a hard thing to do. Need to go with what I have and be thankful I still have it.
Monday, July 11, 2011
So much for being quiet....
Guess I get to go on a scavenger hunt, only thing is, I don't have any clues to go off of. Fuck.
Just... fuck.
I wish Da would just let us have peace for a while. Just leave us alone. Let us relax. I still have to go search for Chastin and find out where the hell he went. Just.. fuck.
I hate this. I hate who I'm being turned into. I just.. hate it. Hate it so damned much.
I'm sorry everyone that I've gotten dragged into this mess.
Wish me luck.
Just... fuck.
I wish Da would just let us have peace for a while. Just leave us alone. Let us relax. I still have to go search for Chastin and find out where the hell he went. Just.. fuck.
I hate this. I hate who I'm being turned into. I just.. hate it. Hate it so damned much.
I'm sorry everyone that I've gotten dragged into this mess.
Wish me luck.
Going on a trip!
It's gonna be so much fun! Just Malkin and I. Going on a trip. Hehehe! I can't wait. Master said it was time, so, I guess it's time!
Wakey wakey Malkin! We get to go have fun! I hop he'll like it as much as I will :3
Wakey wakey Malkin! We get to go have fun! I hop he'll like it as much as I will :3
Saturday, July 9, 2011
Missing the mind
Everything's been kind of quiet, not much to really update on. Taben's been kinda taking the whole loss of Mateo a bit harder than he was at first. And we've been going with it and doing fun filled stuff with him where we can. The last few days Taben's been taking Malkin and myself down to Massillon where we've been hanging out with his friends. It's been nice and it's weird to have some sort of normalcy. These are people that don't have Slender Man following them and just kind of joke about the whole thing with Taben. They didn't really do the joking stuff lastnight which is fine. They did what Taben needed though. They gave him the extra love and support that we can't give him. We laughed and we had fun. We went out to dinner and Tabne saw old friends he hadn't seen in a while. They gave Taben a shoulder so he could remember and cry and then we went back to just having fun. Slendy was there, but he was always in the distance. I realized after we got home last night just how much Taben seems to be owned by Slendy. It's kind of... scary to see. Taben was always the one that was defiant about being controlled. I remember one of the arguments Taben and Ry got into dealt with the fact that Ry was trying to control the way Taben scheduled classes in college. Now when Slendy shows up, Taben has this look on his face. It's excitement, but it just doesn't seem genuine. I can't feel his emotions or speak with him anymore so I'm not sure how he truly feels about it. He says he doesn't mind and he kind of enjoys it. So. I dunno.
Allen's spending the weekend with Taben's mom. She was kind enough to ta him so that Taben could figure out what to do about one thing or another. Taben's going through Ry's stuff and debating on what needs to bee kept and tossed. We're working on cleaning up the room that was Taben and Ry's and moving Taben's stuff into our room. I dunno how Taben's really taking things honestly. He's so closed up so often that it's hard to tell. He's not one to openly throw out his emotions at you. So it's just a matter of keeping my eyes open and making sure he's well. Thankfully he and Malkin have been getting along really well and I'm thankful he's got the extra support with him here. Malkin's a really great guy. I just wish there were more we could do with Chastin who's just a big hardheaded dorkus. We'll see. Something may come up yet.
Anyways, I need too go. I'm due to work with Alex/Todd to help him with his abilities. At least I still have him as volunteer help. Kinda miss having Taben there as well, but I know Taben' still there for me no matter what. Just miss the closeness I guess.
Allen's spending the weekend with Taben's mom. She was kind enough to ta him so that Taben could figure out what to do about one thing or another. Taben's going through Ry's stuff and debating on what needs to bee kept and tossed. We're working on cleaning up the room that was Taben and Ry's and moving Taben's stuff into our room. I dunno how Taben's really taking things honestly. He's so closed up so often that it's hard to tell. He's not one to openly throw out his emotions at you. So it's just a matter of keeping my eyes open and making sure he's well. Thankfully he and Malkin have been getting along really well and I'm thankful he's got the extra support with him here. Malkin's a really great guy. I just wish there were more we could do with Chastin who's just a big hardheaded dorkus. We'll see. Something may come up yet.
Anyways, I need too go. I'm due to work with Alex/Todd to help him with his abilities. At least I still have him as volunteer help. Kinda miss having Taben there as well, but I know Taben' still there for me no matter what. Just miss the closeness I guess.
Monday, July 4, 2011
Grand Finale
Grand Finale my fucking ass. I wonder how long It's been planning this bullshit. This is just fucking ridiculous and I'm sick of this shit happening on my property. There was a fucking truce made. A TRUCE dammit. I guess it goes to show truces mean nothing to faceless eldritch abominations.
I'm sick of fucking tragedy. I'm pissed that I have to tell you about another tragedy, but at least I get to tell you about the tragedy that did NOT happen.
So as you all know we've been having a nice long Independence Day weekend party. Something that's much needed. Something we all needed. Especially Taben. I was surprised when he showed up with Mateo but I wasn't going to argue. Taben had a lot of needed support from him. And hell there was a hell of a lot more fireworks with him bringing his bunch of boomies along. It made for one hell of a display. Neighbors were coming to watch, we had a cop come and make the comment that we had one of the best displays yet and to carry on and not disappoint the audience.
So we carried on. I figured with all the spectators that nothing would happen. We had a hell of a hopping party. neighbors from around the block showed up and joined in the festivities and came to watch the show. It lasted for about an hour and a half. Then Mat brought out the big guns. A 200 shot repeater called the "Grand Finale" Mat shot it off and it started going. near the end it got close together and the light was constant on all of us on the ground and in the forest. And that's when I saw It... and a gang of Its groupies with weapons snaking out of the woods. The cawing and creeling of one of them as they ran out. I saw the feathers. A Crow mask. Red and Black. Morrigan. They rushed out in a wave. It ran for myself and Taben then diverted it attention as Morrigan ran up to spectators that had come. A child. A freakin' child. That was her first victim. First fucking victim. Then the child's mother then she started laughing this horrid laugh. Her weapon? A bat. A fucking baseball bat. Likely the one she killed rat with. She charged after one person then another. I lost track of her when I heard Taben screeching in anger. It had turned on Mateo. Mateo... my gods Mateo. Why him? Why Mateo? All I saw was the blood and the entrails and the body dripping in a tree. Allen was screaming and he got angry. When that child gets angry you need to get out of the way. Allen started charging It with a stick. It tried to grab him. I saw the jagged tentacles of the bastard grab Allen then it dropped him as Taben jumped on and attacked It. And then Slendy appeared and helped Taben. There was a screech from it and there were explosions and then everything went dark and there were gunshots and, I don't even know. I lost sight of most everything aside from the battle between Slendy and It. Slendy was pissed. It wen for Allen. It wanted to kill Allen. Next thing I know someone had jumped on me and was attacking me. I was fighting them off. I think I threw them off. I've no idea how but I did. I was so angry. I could feel it. Fell them. I hate them. They make me feel so inhuman. Tendrils of darkness. The one thing I hate so much that ties me to Him and It. I hate it. I hate it so much. Hate them. Someone else was on me. Got me from behind. I remember seeing a bright light and my head hurting. Next thing I know I wake up in an ambulance being looked over by an EMT. The cops had been driving by and had seen what was going on and stopped. Two of the people had been gunned down. Two of It's minions dead and out of the race. Though we all know more will come back.
Due to all the issues we'd been having and the fact that everyone in the household is gay or gay friendly.... well the cops are treating all of this like a hate crime. They're swearing up and down there's a gang here that's just out to kill/rid the world of gays. As much as I hate to say it, I wish it were just that simple. I wish that were really the case.
It'd be so much easier to face problems with hate crimes than what I'm really handling. Now our July 4th celebration is just... nothing. It's turned into a crime scene. Over a dozen people dead. Matty one of them. Taben's... different from this one. He's pissed. Angry. He seems so dark. I can't even feel him. Though, now I know why. He's no longer what he was to me. He belongs to Slender Man now. I can't help but feel uneasy about that. It's worrisome. I feel helpless. But then again, maybe it was a worthy sacrifice.
Chastin, Malkin, you're safe now. And under my protection. I declare that right now. You're not longer Slender Man's prey. I... guess in some freakish way... you're mine now...
I'm sorry. For everything.
I'm going to get the fuck off here and go and tend to everyone. Bran and her crew. My Gods. No one should ever have to see what they saw. And now.. now they're in the police interest again.
I'm sorry everyone. I'm sorry I have you all stuck in this mess. It's unfair. So unfair.
And I'm sorry that you all have to see and deal with the stench that's me.... these fucking tendrils. They've never dripped this black ooze like this before. I have no clue what it is. I just.. want to chop them all off and be rid of them. I don't fucking want this anymore. I don't want to be this thing. I want to be normal. Jut a normal human being. That's all I want to be.
I'm sick of fucking tragedy. I'm pissed that I have to tell you about another tragedy, but at least I get to tell you about the tragedy that did NOT happen.
So as you all know we've been having a nice long Independence Day weekend party. Something that's much needed. Something we all needed. Especially Taben. I was surprised when he showed up with Mateo but I wasn't going to argue. Taben had a lot of needed support from him. And hell there was a hell of a lot more fireworks with him bringing his bunch of boomies along. It made for one hell of a display. Neighbors were coming to watch, we had a cop come and make the comment that we had one of the best displays yet and to carry on and not disappoint the audience.
So we carried on. I figured with all the spectators that nothing would happen. We had a hell of a hopping party. neighbors from around the block showed up and joined in the festivities and came to watch the show. It lasted for about an hour and a half. Then Mat brought out the big guns. A 200 shot repeater called the "Grand Finale" Mat shot it off and it started going. near the end it got close together and the light was constant on all of us on the ground and in the forest. And that's when I saw It... and a gang of Its groupies with weapons snaking out of the woods. The cawing and creeling of one of them as they ran out. I saw the feathers. A Crow mask. Red and Black. Morrigan. They rushed out in a wave. It ran for myself and Taben then diverted it attention as Morrigan ran up to spectators that had come. A child. A freakin' child. That was her first victim. First fucking victim. Then the child's mother then she started laughing this horrid laugh. Her weapon? A bat. A fucking baseball bat. Likely the one she killed rat with. She charged after one person then another. I lost track of her when I heard Taben screeching in anger. It had turned on Mateo. Mateo... my gods Mateo. Why him? Why Mateo? All I saw was the blood and the entrails and the body dripping in a tree. Allen was screaming and he got angry. When that child gets angry you need to get out of the way. Allen started charging It with a stick. It tried to grab him. I saw the jagged tentacles of the bastard grab Allen then it dropped him as Taben jumped on and attacked It. And then Slendy appeared and helped Taben. There was a screech from it and there were explosions and then everything went dark and there were gunshots and, I don't even know. I lost sight of most everything aside from the battle between Slendy and It. Slendy was pissed. It wen for Allen. It wanted to kill Allen. Next thing I know someone had jumped on me and was attacking me. I was fighting them off. I think I threw them off. I've no idea how but I did. I was so angry. I could feel it. Fell them. I hate them. They make me feel so inhuman. Tendrils of darkness. The one thing I hate so much that ties me to Him and It. I hate it. I hate it so much. Hate them. Someone else was on me. Got me from behind. I remember seeing a bright light and my head hurting. Next thing I know I wake up in an ambulance being looked over by an EMT. The cops had been driving by and had seen what was going on and stopped. Two of the people had been gunned down. Two of It's minions dead and out of the race. Though we all know more will come back.
Due to all the issues we'd been having and the fact that everyone in the household is gay or gay friendly.... well the cops are treating all of this like a hate crime. They're swearing up and down there's a gang here that's just out to kill/rid the world of gays. As much as I hate to say it, I wish it were just that simple. I wish that were really the case.
It'd be so much easier to face problems with hate crimes than what I'm really handling. Now our July 4th celebration is just... nothing. It's turned into a crime scene. Over a dozen people dead. Matty one of them. Taben's... different from this one. He's pissed. Angry. He seems so dark. I can't even feel him. Though, now I know why. He's no longer what he was to me. He belongs to Slender Man now. I can't help but feel uneasy about that. It's worrisome. I feel helpless. But then again, maybe it was a worthy sacrifice.
Chastin, Malkin, you're safe now. And under my protection. I declare that right now. You're not longer Slender Man's prey. I... guess in some freakish way... you're mine now...
I'm sorry. For everything.
I'm going to get the fuck off here and go and tend to everyone. Bran and her crew. My Gods. No one should ever have to see what they saw. And now.. now they're in the police interest again.
I'm sorry everyone. I'm sorry I have you all stuck in this mess. It's unfair. So unfair.
And I'm sorry that you all have to see and deal with the stench that's me.... these fucking tendrils. They've never dripped this black ooze like this before. I have no clue what it is. I just.. want to chop them all off and be rid of them. I don't fucking want this anymore. I don't want to be this thing. I want to be normal. Jut a normal human being. That's all I want to be.
Sunday, July 3, 2011
Let's get this party started!
Been talking on and off with Malkin about some concerns he's had. Been keeping an eye on Chastin as well. We're hoping he'll be awake to see the celebration and see how laid back and how much fun we're all having. Maybe the sense of normalcy will help him feel better and more comfortable. We can hope, right? Also spoke with Slenderp to clear stuff up. We're keeping a perimeter up around the house. We'll know as soon as somone we don't want crosses over to inside. I'm trying to get him to work with us instead of against us. We all hate ///It/// so we need to work together before we loose anyone else. I hate myself still. So long ago I had thought of forcefully turning Ryan, but I didn't. I didn't want to betray my trust with him or the trust I had with Taben. Now... I wish I'd know. I'd have been able to keep him from running off. Too late now. I just hope I can overcome the guilt I have from that.
Haha! Sam and Dean just ran outside with water guns and are attacking Allen and Taben. The happy screams of laughter is a really nice sound to hear. Pffft What the fuck am I doing in here. I'm off to have fun with everyone else. We'll see everyone as they get here. To everyone else, don't expect much from us. We're gonna be having some fun. We all really need it after the week we had.
Stay safe, eyes open.
~Ai
Haha! Sam and Dean just ran outside with water guns and are attacking Allen and Taben. The happy screams of laughter is a really nice sound to hear. Pffft What the fuck am I doing in here. I'm off to have fun with everyone else. We'll see everyone as they get here. To everyone else, don't expect much from us. We're gonna be having some fun. We all really need it after the week we had.
Stay safe, eyes open.
~Ai
Saturday, July 2, 2011
On the mend?
It was late last night, but Taben came from his room and came down to eat. I was doing some chores in the kitchen when he came down. He was hungry. I made him food and we sat and talked for a while. I want to than Xirena for talking sense into him. He really needed it. He realizes he's got all of us here for him. And I've told him we're going to have a very nice Forth of July party with all our friends. And we're going to make a cake for him. We know he'd enjoy it and all. We want to do things for him. He was happy with that, and then asked to sleep in with me and Brennon. Brennon said it was fine so we've got three in our room now. Which is fine I think. Thank goodness for us having a king bed. We're gonna work on switching things around and getting Taben into our room. Doing this will open up a master bedroom that we can give to Chas and Malkin if they want it. I wouldn't admit it outright to them but I'd not mind having more roomates. But then I know that Malkin's in college and stuff so.. yeah. I dunno. I'm just rambling now.
Things have been busy and we've been doing a lot secretly behind the scenes. We did inform the authorities. They've been doing full searches through the woods. It was a big surprise to us when they actually found someone that was all gunned u and looked like he could have done it. We were even more surprised when the person admitted to it. We'd never seen them in our lives. But the cops said it'd be a quick convict, little court time and a big happy settlement or some jazz. I don't know court stuff much. I'm just happy something's being done for Taben. We're trying to throw together a quick plan for a wake. We had to get the obituary made, thankfully with Brennon working in the whole working at the newspaper business, it was easy enough to do. We've informed those of Ryan's family we could contact, but his mom is really hard to get a hold of. and we didn't have his brother and sister's number. Add in we don't know if we should contact his father at all. There was an extreme falling out there where his father went off on Taben and Ryan dismissed his father from his life. We don't need that being pushed on Taben. It's bad enough already that Ry's mom, who hates Taben is going to be coming. We've set a date for a wake/funeral to be after the 4th when travel will be cheaper and easier on everyone. It's just been hell. But things are on the mend. Taben's waking up and getting active. He's been spending a lot of time with Allen trying to explain to Allen what happened and where Daddy is. Allen's been asking fr Daddy and not taking our answers as truth. Hearing it strait from his mom's mouth helped. Though now we have a very sad little boy. Maybe Ry realizes now how much that little boy loves him.
Well, I think I'll stop there. I need to get to work on house chores. Then Taben and I are going to head out on errands. We're gonna get some boomies for the fourth then get some groceries and just enjoy some time out. Taben needs out of the house and back into nature. He's so at home there, I'm hoping a walk in the park will help him.
I want to thank everyone for the continued support. It means the world to us. We just don't know how to handle things. I think we're getting better but, we're still missing someone from the family. Someone that meant the world to us.
Even so, we're slowly, on the mend.
Stay safe everyone. Lots of love. and eyes open.
Things have been busy and we've been doing a lot secretly behind the scenes. We did inform the authorities. They've been doing full searches through the woods. It was a big surprise to us when they actually found someone that was all gunned u and looked like he could have done it. We were even more surprised when the person admitted to it. We'd never seen them in our lives. But the cops said it'd be a quick convict, little court time and a big happy settlement or some jazz. I don't know court stuff much. I'm just happy something's being done for Taben. We're trying to throw together a quick plan for a wake. We had to get the obituary made, thankfully with Brennon working in the whole working at the newspaper business, it was easy enough to do. We've informed those of Ryan's family we could contact, but his mom is really hard to get a hold of. and we didn't have his brother and sister's number. Add in we don't know if we should contact his father at all. There was an extreme falling out there where his father went off on Taben and Ryan dismissed his father from his life. We don't need that being pushed on Taben. It's bad enough already that Ry's mom, who hates Taben is going to be coming. We've set a date for a wake/funeral to be after the 4th when travel will be cheaper and easier on everyone. It's just been hell. But things are on the mend. Taben's waking up and getting active. He's been spending a lot of time with Allen trying to explain to Allen what happened and where Daddy is. Allen's been asking fr Daddy and not taking our answers as truth. Hearing it strait from his mom's mouth helped. Though now we have a very sad little boy. Maybe Ry realizes now how much that little boy loves him.
Well, I think I'll stop there. I need to get to work on house chores. Then Taben and I are going to head out on errands. We're gonna get some boomies for the fourth then get some groceries and just enjoy some time out. Taben needs out of the house and back into nature. He's so at home there, I'm hoping a walk in the park will help him.
I want to thank everyone for the continued support. It means the world to us. We just don't know how to handle things. I think we're getting better but, we're still missing someone from the family. Someone that meant the world to us.
Even so, we're slowly, on the mend.
Stay safe everyone. Lots of love. and eyes open.
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Quick update
This was going to be a reply to the comments in my last post... then it got painfully long so I moved it to it's own entry instead, as much as I hate taking time out to do a huge long entry, I really need to vent. So.. here goes.
First off, Thanks guys. Branwen, Xirena, it means a lot to hear that. I'll let Taben know when I can. He's still in the room. He's not come out and the door's still locked. I'm just giving him his time right now. Allen's still over with Taben's mom. As can be expected it's been... hard. We're trying to make plans, figure out how to get him to move on. We're debating if we should call authorities or who to have tend to Ry's body.
Brennon and I went out this evening. We found the path Taben found. It's newer. So it was fresh and new when Taben found it. Taben had said everything was fresh. He said he'd heard Ry's screams of pain and cries.... I just... don't even know. Taben's going through so much right now. I dunno. All I know is we can't leave Ry out there to be eaten by the coyotes or wild creatures. What we saw is... I'd never wish that on anything or anyone. Especially not Ry. He may have been tough and hard to manage but... he was a great person. I don't even know what to do. I'm still so shocked and uncertain.
Xirena, thank you. I think we could use all the support we can get right now. It's going to be a long few days. I'm wondering how people will feel, what will the authorities do? Should we report this? what the hell do we do? I... think it's safe to say not to expect much from us for a bit. We'll have hands full and be busy.
Bran, I'll tell Taben about the party and see what he says. He may need it. It's a matter of him coming from his room. We're also still thinking about the July 4th party still. If anything I'm hoping that Taben will snap out of it quickly, if only to be there for Allen. We're going to go pick him up tomorrow. He needs to be home with his mom. Taben needs Allen right now more than ever. I just hope we can keep their spirits up as much as possible. It hurts me to feel this much from Taben. He hurts so bad. I've no idea what to do. Dear ol' Da's been in and out. No sign of It. Todd/Alex seems ticked. I dunno how long he'll be here. We're both worried It may come after your group soon. Even more so now if you've got that party this weekend. And there's another member of the family we didn't take into consideration. Raven. Taben and Ryan's cat. She was practically Ryan's 'familiar' for lack of better term. She's been wandering around the house meowing loud and sad sounding. She keeps trying to get into the bedroom with Taben and then just lays by the door mewling. This is just all so heart breaking. I don't even know how to handle this.
It's weird. I feel horrible. I don't think the death of my parents hit me this hard. This is just... a huge blow. I accepted mom and dad's death quickly and moved on... this.. this one's going to be worse. This is the third death we've had in the family due to It. With my parents there was a bit of ash and bones and that was it. With ?Ry it's just... horrible... there's so much more to it. I don't even know what to do, I just want to cry.
But I can't. I have to be strong. I guess it's time to rally up the troops and start. War's coming. I can feel it. I know it. We're going to need all the help we can get. If you can help, let me know. We'll make space for you to crash here while we get things running. Again, just let me know. We'll make arrangements.
No one hurts someone I care about like this and gets away with it. No one. I said it last post and I'll say it this one again. It is going to die. I'm going to murder the fucking monster.
First off, Thanks guys. Branwen, Xirena, it means a lot to hear that. I'll let Taben know when I can. He's still in the room. He's not come out and the door's still locked. I'm just giving him his time right now. Allen's still over with Taben's mom. As can be expected it's been... hard. We're trying to make plans, figure out how to get him to move on. We're debating if we should call authorities or who to have tend to Ry's body.
Brennon and I went out this evening. We found the path Taben found. It's newer. So it was fresh and new when Taben found it. Taben had said everything was fresh. He said he'd heard Ry's screams of pain and cries.... I just... don't even know. Taben's going through so much right now. I dunno. All I know is we can't leave Ry out there to be eaten by the coyotes or wild creatures. What we saw is... I'd never wish that on anything or anyone. Especially not Ry. He may have been tough and hard to manage but... he was a great person. I don't even know what to do. I'm still so shocked and uncertain.
Xirena, thank you. I think we could use all the support we can get right now. It's going to be a long few days. I'm wondering how people will feel, what will the authorities do? Should we report this? what the hell do we do? I... think it's safe to say not to expect much from us for a bit. We'll have hands full and be busy.
Bran, I'll tell Taben about the party and see what he says. He may need it. It's a matter of him coming from his room. We're also still thinking about the July 4th party still. If anything I'm hoping that Taben will snap out of it quickly, if only to be there for Allen. We're going to go pick him up tomorrow. He needs to be home with his mom. Taben needs Allen right now more than ever. I just hope we can keep their spirits up as much as possible. It hurts me to feel this much from Taben. He hurts so bad. I've no idea what to do. Dear ol' Da's been in and out. No sign of It. Todd/Alex seems ticked. I dunno how long he'll be here. We're both worried It may come after your group soon. Even more so now if you've got that party this weekend. And there's another member of the family we didn't take into consideration. Raven. Taben and Ryan's cat. She was practically Ryan's 'familiar' for lack of better term. She's been wandering around the house meowing loud and sad sounding. She keeps trying to get into the bedroom with Taben and then just lays by the door mewling. This is just all so heart breaking. I don't even know how to handle this.
It's weird. I feel horrible. I don't think the death of my parents hit me this hard. This is just... a huge blow. I accepted mom and dad's death quickly and moved on... this.. this one's going to be worse. This is the third death we've had in the family due to It. With my parents there was a bit of ash and bones and that was it. With ?Ry it's just... horrible... there's so much more to it. I don't even know what to do, I just want to cry.
But I can't. I have to be strong. I guess it's time to rally up the troops and start. War's coming. I can feel it. I know it. We're going to need all the help we can get. If you can help, let me know. We'll make space for you to crash here while we get things running. Again, just let me know. We'll make arrangements.
No one hurts someone I care about like this and gets away with it. No one. I said it last post and I'll say it this one again. It is going to die. I'm going to murder the fucking monster.
Well... Fuck...
So, after I saw Taben's post, I went into the bedroom and tried to get him to talk. It took me two hours to finally get him to unlock the door. He had just finally come back after a day of disappearing while looking for Ry. He came home and just went to his room and closed the door. I heard it lock. Figured he was just tiered and wanted to sleep uninterrupted. Then I saw the post. Then I tempted to feel at his mind. And... my gods. The grief, remorse, guilt... so much. After a couple hours of persuading he unlocked the door and let me in. He just broke down crying. I then saw he'd changed clothes. I saw all the blood and grime and just... the smell, the stench the reek. Of death. I smelled death. Once he calmed down he told me how hoe had followed a trail that seemed to purposeful. And followed it. And at the end.. he found Ry. Or what was left of him. He said that he had found him gutted and just lain out in plain site. hanging like a freshly hunted deer from a low branch of a tree. He went on t expain everything in complete gory detail. How It had shown up and practically.... laughed. How Slendy had appeared and went berserk leading to a huge showdown between It and Slendy. Taben missed it all though. He just heard it. The rest of the time he was crying over the body of his husband.
I don't even know what to do. All I know is that It needs to be dead. It has to die. We have to ind a way to kill It. I don't even know what to think or do. I... as soon as he was finished telling me he kicked me out and locked himself back in the room. I... I don't even.
I honestly expected all of us to go before Ry. Ry never believed. Ry never cared, he was never truly infected or affected... only through Taben.
I don't know how I'd ever live through loosing Brennon. I'm so worried about Taben. He's hurting. He's so much in pain. And there's nothing I can do for him. Nothing. I feel lost and helpless and scared and uncertain and just.. I don't know. I tried to call Slendy in. He showed up, he was pissed, angry. vengeful so much hate and anger.
I asked him what we could do for Taben.
"There is nothing we can do for her, she must mourn, let her mourn."
I was pissed. Of everything that I was consulting him about I hated and was so pissed for Him to refer to Taben as his birth gender. That, in my eyes was adding insult to what Taben was already suffering through. I... I launched myself at Slendy screaming. I apparently grabbed some of my craft scissors from my desk when I did it and stabbed him as I started screaming at him to show Taben respect. Next thing I know I'm against the wall and my shoulder was bleeding. The same shoulder where scissors were now embedded in Slender's shoulder. I just gritted my teeth and growled and scowled. I was surprised when Slender just looked at me. pulled the scissors from his shoulder and healed my wound.
"I am sorry. I forget the importance of that to those raised as you were. You will learn that gender does not matter. I am not happy with these events and I will make the Dark One pay. For now. You tend to your mate. I will tend to the child and protect him from The Monster. I am not happy. I will KILL It."
And with that he disappeared. So... now I've just been sitting and waiting to hear from Taben. To see him come out. Allen's with his mom. I don't even know how we're gonna break it to the little guy. I don't even know what to do, where to go. How to handle this. I'm so confused. Lost. Scared. I've never felt this scared in a long time. It's an odd feeling.... I don't even know what to do anymore.
I don't want to loose my family. I can NOT loose my family. They are all I have. I refuse. I WILL NOT LOOSE THEM!
All bets are off. Next time It shoes it's pale ugly no faced Head I will kill the mother fucker!
I don't even know what to do. All I know is that It needs to be dead. It has to die. We have to ind a way to kill It. I don't even know what to think or do. I... as soon as he was finished telling me he kicked me out and locked himself back in the room. I... I don't even.
I honestly expected all of us to go before Ry. Ry never believed. Ry never cared, he was never truly infected or affected... only through Taben.
I don't know how I'd ever live through loosing Brennon. I'm so worried about Taben. He's hurting. He's so much in pain. And there's nothing I can do for him. Nothing. I feel lost and helpless and scared and uncertain and just.. I don't know. I tried to call Slendy in. He showed up, he was pissed, angry. vengeful so much hate and anger.
I asked him what we could do for Taben.
"There is nothing we can do for her, she must mourn, let her mourn."
I was pissed. Of everything that I was consulting him about I hated and was so pissed for Him to refer to Taben as his birth gender. That, in my eyes was adding insult to what Taben was already suffering through. I... I launched myself at Slendy screaming. I apparently grabbed some of my craft scissors from my desk when I did it and stabbed him as I started screaming at him to show Taben respect. Next thing I know I'm against the wall and my shoulder was bleeding. The same shoulder where scissors were now embedded in Slender's shoulder. I just gritted my teeth and growled and scowled. I was surprised when Slender just looked at me. pulled the scissors from his shoulder and healed my wound.
"I am sorry. I forget the importance of that to those raised as you were. You will learn that gender does not matter. I am not happy with these events and I will make the Dark One pay. For now. You tend to your mate. I will tend to the child and protect him from The Monster. I am not happy. I will KILL It."
And with that he disappeared. So... now I've just been sitting and waiting to hear from Taben. To see him come out. Allen's with his mom. I don't even know how we're gonna break it to the little guy. I don't even know what to do, where to go. How to handle this. I'm so confused. Lost. Scared. I've never felt this scared in a long time. It's an odd feeling.... I don't even know what to do anymore.
I don't want to loose my family. I can NOT loose my family. They are all I have. I refuse. I WILL NOT LOOSE THEM!
All bets are off. Next time It shoes it's pale ugly no faced Head I will kill the mother fucker!
Saturday, June 25, 2011
Just go back...
We just got back from another search outing for Ry. Still found nothing.
Slendy seems upset... like peeved off. But I'm not sure why. He says it wasn't him. He didn't do this. He's very adamant about it. It's weird hearing him reiterate over and over that he's not responsible for the disappearance.
He's blaming It. I dunno who to blame. I just know I want Ryan back. Taben just... isn't the same. I've seen Taben have down days but I've never seen him slink into this deep of depression. Not in a long time. He's blaming himself for the fight and argument hey had. For Ry leaving and disappearing. Thing is. Ry's pretty laid back. Taben's the one that raises his voice in arguments. Ry just quietly seethes and let's it wash off his back and gets to working things out. If Ry actually left and is avoiding us and getting time away from us, this is a first, and it's not like Ry. which has me concerned in other ways. What if he's being turned into a proxy? What if It is doing it. According to an update from Bran, he no longer has Rat. He no longer has Todd either... is he looking to replace his precious rodent? ...Is he going to replace the rodent with a dragon...? That might be scary... for everyone involved. I just... don't know what to think. All I know is that, I feel at fault in some way. If I hadn't taken Taben with me to help with Malkin and Chas... Taben wouldn't have had to drop from this session of classes, and he and Ry would not have gotten into a fight. And to think... we though entering a full relationship/family unit was going to cause problems. No. It's me. And holding Taben as a 'proxy'.... that's causing the problems... and now Taben's dying inside... cause his husband's missing....
And it's all my fault... I don't even know what to do...
Maybe it's just not worth it anymore...
I'm sorry Taben, so sorry. I love you man... and I'm so very sorry.
Slendy seems upset... like peeved off. But I'm not sure why. He says it wasn't him. He didn't do this. He's very adamant about it. It's weird hearing him reiterate over and over that he's not responsible for the disappearance.
He's blaming It. I dunno who to blame. I just know I want Ryan back. Taben just... isn't the same. I've seen Taben have down days but I've never seen him slink into this deep of depression. Not in a long time. He's blaming himself for the fight and argument hey had. For Ry leaving and disappearing. Thing is. Ry's pretty laid back. Taben's the one that raises his voice in arguments. Ry just quietly seethes and let's it wash off his back and gets to working things out. If Ry actually left and is avoiding us and getting time away from us, this is a first, and it's not like Ry. which has me concerned in other ways. What if he's being turned into a proxy? What if It is doing it. According to an update from Bran, he no longer has Rat. He no longer has Todd either... is he looking to replace his precious rodent? ...Is he going to replace the rodent with a dragon...? That might be scary... for everyone involved. I just... don't know what to think. All I know is that, I feel at fault in some way. If I hadn't taken Taben with me to help with Malkin and Chas... Taben wouldn't have had to drop from this session of classes, and he and Ry would not have gotten into a fight. And to think... we though entering a full relationship/family unit was going to cause problems. No. It's me. And holding Taben as a 'proxy'.... that's causing the problems... and now Taben's dying inside... cause his husband's missing....
And it's all my fault... I don't even know what to do...
Maybe it's just not worth it anymore...
I'm sorry Taben, so sorry. I love you man... and I'm so very sorry.
Thursday, June 23, 2011
People piss me off....
Sorry for the silence. There's not been much to say. As stated a few days back. Things are quiet. Really, terribly quiet. Well until this morning anyways.
Allen woke up and came in to Taben. He had neck spasms that were causing all kind of pain to him. Ry and Taben had had a fight the night before. Ry wasn't there. We're assuming that he just left for a while till things calmed down or something. So it was me that Taben woke up to take Allen to the hospital. Taben is beyond pissed with Ry now. End point. Most everything's alright. They did a lot of blood work and x-rays on Allen. They all came back fine. They say he just had a neck spasm. He's supposed to take it easy and rest and just sit back and get better. How much of tha he'll do, we have no clue. Taben went to him mom's and explained what was going on and she offered to watch Allen for the day and let Ry and Taben work things out. Now it's just a matter of figureing out where the hell Ry got to. The car is here. So he didn't drive anywhere. We're thinking maybe someone he knows from college got him and took him, as Ry's books and such and college supplies are missing. We're assuming/hoping he'll be here after his normal school hour this evening. That'll give Taben time to calm down as well. I've seen Taben pissed, but he's pretty upset.
In other news we're still working out trying to help out Todd/Alex with everything that's going on for them. Also We've got Chas and Mal here still of course. Er... I think Chas is still here anywyas. I've not check in on them yet, we only just got back from dropping Allen off. We're trying to figure what to do with our day now. I want to get Taben out of the house but he wants to sleep.
Slendy and It have been stalking around a lot more than usual. I dunno what it is they're doing but well it can't be good. Something's up. I've no idea what, but if it involves them, it can't be good..
Allen woke up and came in to Taben. He had neck spasms that were causing all kind of pain to him. Ry and Taben had had a fight the night before. Ry wasn't there. We're assuming that he just left for a while till things calmed down or something. So it was me that Taben woke up to take Allen to the hospital. Taben is beyond pissed with Ry now. End point. Most everything's alright. They did a lot of blood work and x-rays on Allen. They all came back fine. They say he just had a neck spasm. He's supposed to take it easy and rest and just sit back and get better. How much of tha he'll do, we have no clue. Taben went to him mom's and explained what was going on and she offered to watch Allen for the day and let Ry and Taben work things out. Now it's just a matter of figureing out where the hell Ry got to. The car is here. So he didn't drive anywhere. We're thinking maybe someone he knows from college got him and took him, as Ry's books and such and college supplies are missing. We're assuming/hoping he'll be here after his normal school hour this evening. That'll give Taben time to calm down as well. I've seen Taben pissed, but he's pretty upset.
In other news we're still working out trying to help out Todd/Alex with everything that's going on for them. Also We've got Chas and Mal here still of course. Er... I think Chas is still here anywyas. I've not check in on them yet, we only just got back from dropping Allen off. We're trying to figure what to do with our day now. I want to get Taben out of the house but he wants to sleep.
Slendy and It have been stalking around a lot more than usual. I dunno what it is they're doing but well it can't be good. Something's up. I've no idea what, but if it involves them, it can't be good..
Sunday, June 19, 2011
Quiet
It's been quiet. Today's been slow. Taben, Allen and Ry are over at Taben's parents for the father's day thing. Sam, Dean and I just kinda sat around together talking. I'm not sure if Chastin's still asleep. I've not heard anything differnt from Mal so I'm assuming sleeping beauty is still passed out.
I came to a conclusion today. We have the winchesters. And now we have Captain Mal. This is awesome. We're getting our own little mix of cosplay characters here. ....yeah trying to think positive. It and Slendy have been absent all day today. It's... weird. It's erie how quiet it's been. How boring. I'm not used to being bored. Makes me wonder. What's going to happen that will knock us for a loop and get us on our feet again.
Todd's been here. It's nice to have him back. He's been quiet. I think he's been thinkng things over a lot. I've jus been letting everyone have their quiet time. I dunno why, but I've felt akward with trying to approach anyone. I mean, I feel I've possibly caused a rift between Chas and Mal cause I tied Chas to a chair. I just hope when he wakes up he can understand why and see out reasoning and all. We really just want to help.
Which means I have to keep that inner demon inside. I hope I'll be able to do that. I've felt it comin to the surface a lot lately. epecially when It's around. I hate the damned Thing. It's only ever fucked with me to piss me off and fuck up my mental stability. And when I get hurt or pissed, in turn Slendy gets pissed. ...But Slendy's been absent... h e was pissed the firt time and chased It off... then he's been gone. And today It's gone as well. I just hope this doesn't mean something bad is coming.
I hate that I loose my train of thught when typing here anymore. I know it happens to Taben as well. Maybe it happens to Taben because it happens to me. It's nice to have my bond/link with Todd established again. I guess Taben's gonna be working with Alex to learn. Gonna be weird. I guess we'll see how it goes.
I'm crashing early tonght. I'm pooped.
I came to a conclusion today. We have the winchesters. And now we have Captain Mal. This is awesome. We're getting our own little mix of cosplay characters here. ....yeah trying to think positive. It and Slendy have been absent all day today. It's... weird. It's erie how quiet it's been. How boring. I'm not used to being bored. Makes me wonder. What's going to happen that will knock us for a loop and get us on our feet again.
Todd's been here. It's nice to have him back. He's been quiet. I think he's been thinkng things over a lot. I've jus been letting everyone have their quiet time. I dunno why, but I've felt akward with trying to approach anyone. I mean, I feel I've possibly caused a rift between Chas and Mal cause I tied Chas to a chair. I just hope when he wakes up he can understand why and see out reasoning and all. We really just want to help.
Which means I have to keep that inner demon inside. I hope I'll be able to do that. I've felt it comin to the surface a lot lately. epecially when It's around. I hate the damned Thing. It's only ever fucked with me to piss me off and fuck up my mental stability. And when I get hurt or pissed, in turn Slendy gets pissed. ...But Slendy's been absent... h e was pissed the firt time and chased It off... then he's been gone. And today It's gone as well. I just hope this doesn't mean something bad is coming.
I hate that I loose my train of thught when typing here anymore. I know it happens to Taben as well. Maybe it happens to Taben because it happens to me. It's nice to have my bond/link with Todd established again. I guess Taben's gonna be working with Alex to learn. Gonna be weird. I guess we'll see how it goes.
I'm crashing early tonght. I'm pooped.
Saturday, June 18, 2011
Holy shit...
It is good to be back. We got back late last night, like around midnight or later. I wasn't paying attention to time. We had a nice full house now. The way I like it. As people may or may not know, we have Todd back +1. We've got Chastin here. Malkin verified it was him by checking in on where he was still passed out. And we also have a couple extra felines here. Taben gets this pitifully sad face when it comes to rescuing animals that is so VERY hard to ignore. It's good to be home. It was nice to sleep cuddled up with Brenno last night. It was nice to wake up this morning to Allen's excited screaming upon seeing Taben was home. It's just been... nice. I saw Todd and just gave him a huge hug. I was so relieved ans happy to see him. To know *him* the person behind the mask. I think he was kind of taken back by it but I don't give a damn! It's good to be home in familiar territory. And holy fuck it's good to smell Taben's home cooking coming from the kitchen in the morning!
I just hope, and am honestly worried, that in the mess of all this, we don't forget how important it is to keep our eyes open. Slender's pissed as can be right now. I wish I knew why he was so lenient with me. Why he gave in to me. But at the same time I'm glad that I didn't have to get angry and let that... other part of me show. I could feel it coming to the surface in times when I get angry. It scares me. I hate this. I hate that I'm this dual person and find myself afraid at times. I want to just forget about it and be happy. Be me. Be alive. So.. for the time being. I'm going to be happy and alive. And try to stop the fight within myself of who I really am. I'm not really sure I'm ready for that answer.
Anyways, I'm going to go chow, that food smells delish! Taben is the best damned cook ever and I am going to guess he's celebrating being home. Everyone stay safe and keep your eyes open. Talk to you later!
I just hope, and am honestly worried, that in the mess of all this, we don't forget how important it is to keep our eyes open. Slender's pissed as can be right now. I wish I knew why he was so lenient with me. Why he gave in to me. But at the same time I'm glad that I didn't have to get angry and let that... other part of me show. I could feel it coming to the surface in times when I get angry. It scares me. I hate this. I hate that I'm this dual person and find myself afraid at times. I want to just forget about it and be happy. Be me. Be alive. So.. for the time being. I'm going to be happy and alive. And try to stop the fight within myself of who I really am. I'm not really sure I'm ready for that answer.
Anyways, I'm going to go chow, that food smells delish! Taben is the best damned cook ever and I am going to guess he's celebrating being home. Everyone stay safe and keep your eyes open. Talk to you later!
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
We're all okay...
...well... I guess that depends on your definition of okay.
Taben says I must explain that he is alright or he'll punch me in the balls for making people worry. I think everyone else here wants to puch me anyways for making people worry. No. Taben did not have a gunshot. I admit. I made a mountain of a molehill there but... well I'll just say it. My boyfriend was hurt. I was worried. There. I said it.
So what really happened. When Slender Derpage threw us put the other side Taben fell and hurt his leg a pretty big cut, nothing that needed stitches just yeah. I'm sorry to those that I worried.
So. Yeah, we're fine. We... kept getting lost when we were trying to... transport ourselves. I think Slendy was laughing at us, then he just got annoyed. Now I think he's a little pissed. It's like.. he's wondering why we're here. I think Chastin's kinda going a little insane right now because it's like all his nightmares are real... or something. We have him tied to a chair... and gagged. I feel bad for it but otherwise there's a damned gun pointed at us. I'm kinda like afraid for my safety. So. We're gonna wait for him to calm down. Then we're gonna... I dunno. We're gonna take it as it comes. Yay for internets though. Give Taben and I the chance to withdraw from our classes so we aren't majorly screwed for lack of attendance.
I wanna seriously punch myself right now.... I'm here with people going insane, Slender Man practically breathing down my neck. People seething at me for making something bigger than it was... and... and... here I am worried about classes and college....
Seriously... What the FUCK is wrong with me?!
Taben says I must explain that he is alright or he'll punch me in the balls for making people worry. I think everyone else here wants to puch me anyways for making people worry. No. Taben did not have a gunshot. I admit. I made a mountain of a molehill there but... well I'll just say it. My boyfriend was hurt. I was worried. There. I said it.
So what really happened. When Slender Derpage threw us put the other side Taben fell and hurt his leg a pretty big cut, nothing that needed stitches just yeah. I'm sorry to those that I worried.
So. Yeah, we're fine. We... kept getting lost when we were trying to... transport ourselves. I think Slendy was laughing at us, then he just got annoyed. Now I think he's a little pissed. It's like.. he's wondering why we're here. I think Chastin's kinda going a little insane right now because it's like all his nightmares are real... or something. We have him tied to a chair... and gagged. I feel bad for it but otherwise there's a damned gun pointed at us. I'm kinda like afraid for my safety. So. We're gonna wait for him to calm down. Then we're gonna... I dunno. We're gonna take it as it comes. Yay for internets though. Give Taben and I the chance to withdraw from our classes so we aren't majorly screwed for lack of attendance.
I wanna seriously punch myself right now.... I'm here with people going insane, Slender Man practically breathing down my neck. People seething at me for making something bigger than it was... and... and... here I am worried about classes and college....
Seriously... What the FUCK is wrong with me?!
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Well... this is fun.
I just woke up. I don't remember what happened. At all. I remember grabbing the laptop (smart move, good to see wi-fi here), then the travel then we get out and Slender Man is there. He's not happy with us. At all. He pulls us in and it all goes black. And now I'm here... sitting on the floor and just.... trying to figure out where we are and... what the hell's going on. And Taben's here and... well fuck.. he's bleeding? What the fuck? By Gods I hope to hell I'm not about to die.... I've got a fucking gun pointed at my head... maybe I should stop typing here and see why the fuck there's a gun at my head and make sure that we hopefully got to the right fucking place.... Gods be damned this is insane...
Thursday, June 9, 2011
Fuck you Blogger....
...You cheap whore.
Branwen. Good to see you alive. Blogger would not let me comment on your post. Fucking hells. Yet Taben can post anywhere. I might steal his computer and use it and see if that fixes the problem. Bleh. I'll do that when we get home.
I'd love to have Todd with us for this run but we just don't have the time to wait unless he miraculously appears here. Something tells me it's going to be a long night. But it'll be the first night in a whilke where I feel like I'm acomplishing something and doing some good. I'm not gonna elaborate now. It's been fun trying to block Slendy as it is. I think he realizes somethings up. So... we have to make our move now. Hopefully all goes well and we don't get killed.
At least the house will be a little fuller for a while if this all goes well.
I'll explain it all later. Promise. Anyways, time to go. Catch ya all on the flipped side. Hopefully this works. Good vibes people, lots of good vibes. Hopefully sudden appearances don't freak them out too much... See ya! The Tiger and Mouse are on the move!
Branwen. Good to see you alive. Blogger would not let me comment on your post. Fucking hells. Yet Taben can post anywhere. I might steal his computer and use it and see if that fixes the problem. Bleh. I'll do that when we get home.
I'd love to have Todd with us for this run but we just don't have the time to wait unless he miraculously appears here. Something tells me it's going to be a long night. But it'll be the first night in a whilke where I feel like I'm acomplishing something and doing some good. I'm not gonna elaborate now. It's been fun trying to block Slendy as it is. I think he realizes somethings up. So... we have to make our move now. Hopefully all goes well and we don't get killed.
At least the house will be a little fuller for a while if this all goes well.
I'll explain it all later. Promise. Anyways, time to go. Catch ya all on the flipped side. Hopefully this works. Good vibes people, lots of good vibes. Hopefully sudden appearances don't freak them out too much... See ya! The Tiger and Mouse are on the move!
Sunday, June 5, 2011
Back... I think...
Sorry for my absense. Things have been... hellish lately? well busy is a better term. My computer completely crapped out. I don't think anyone watches my twitter (that can be seen at the top right of my blog) So I didn't bother posting after the final explosion. Taben got back to us. Hoe he got back I have no clue he was just... suddenly on his bed the other day sleeping. The worrying part? He's not woken up. this was three days ago. He is alive. he's breathing, has a pulse and seems fine. He actually sleep walks a lot mainly to feed himself. his eyes are close when he does this so we're assuming he's still asleep. Getting kinda worried. I'm behind on checking stuff out... My laptop's gone missing and I just.. I dunno. I've been out of it since Taben disappeared. When I found out where he reappeared I kinda spazzed. I'm trying to get ahold of Mat to see when Taben disappeared from his place down there. Work and home life must be keping him busy. At least that what I want to believe. I don't want to think of anything else.
Classes for summer session start tomorrow. my class schedule is like a mini hell. It's going to suck ass. I wish I could get off with just a couple classes like Ry and Taben. Oh, yeah. Ry's transfered to our school now. This is awesome and full of win. Now if Taben wakes up it's going to be much more awesome and full of win, because, you know he won't miss any class time and face academic probation. That would suck so bad for him.
I'm gonna stop rambling and head off and get stuff done. the house is a total mess since we've all been worried about work life and Taben. Now that Taben's back I can stop Taben worry and get to work on house cleaning. Cause I'm totally the fuckin' girl and get all the house chores. Should be Taben's job, he's more girly than me.... I'm gonna get punched when he sees that.... it'll be worth it though. At least it means he's awake and pucnhing me, right?
Ok, really, heading out. See ya all later. I'm so behind I have no idea when I'll be able to catch up. I feel so horrible and all as well... since, y'know so many people are counting on me and shit. I'm sorry guys, I really am. I feel like a shitty friend.
Classes for summer session start tomorrow. my class schedule is like a mini hell. It's going to suck ass. I wish I could get off with just a couple classes like Ry and Taben. Oh, yeah. Ry's transfered to our school now. This is awesome and full of win. Now if Taben wakes up it's going to be much more awesome and full of win, because, you know he won't miss any class time and face academic probation. That would suck so bad for him.
I'm gonna stop rambling and head off and get stuff done. the house is a total mess since we've all been worried about work life and Taben. Now that Taben's back I can stop Taben worry and get to work on house cleaning. Cause I'm totally the fuckin' girl and get all the house chores. Should be Taben's job, he's more girly than me.... I'm gonna get punched when he sees that.... it'll be worth it though. At least it means he's awake and pucnhing me, right?
Ok, really, heading out. See ya all later. I'm so behind I have no idea when I'll be able to catch up. I feel so horrible and all as well... since, y'know so many people are counting on me and shit. I'm sorry guys, I really am. I feel like a shitty friend.
Friday, May 27, 2011
Taben's been found.
We just heard from Taben. He's safe and well. Mateo's going to get him. He was in fucking Alabama. Why the fuck was he in Alabama? And why did he just call us?
So many fucking questions.
Taben, I'm gonna kick your ass when I see you. No more going off alone.
Bastard.
And since My computer's working for the moment... and blogger is STILL not letting me post comments even on my OWN blog...
Chastin. I know exactly what's going on and no, it's not as easy as I'm making it seem. But it's something that you HAVE to do. You need Malkin. He needs you. Get your ass back to him. NOW. Or I will come and find you and kick your ass till you do. Or I'll send my Tall Friend to bring you to me so I can do it that way.
Malkin. Take care of yourself. Slendy can be pretty intimidating, but don't let your guard down. Just stay positive and stand strong. It'll be alright. He feeds off the negatives.
So many fucking questions.
Taben, I'm gonna kick your ass when I see you. No more going off alone.
Bastard.
And since My computer's working for the moment... and blogger is STILL not letting me post comments even on my OWN blog...
Chastin. I know exactly what's going on and no, it's not as easy as I'm making it seem. But it's something that you HAVE to do. You need Malkin. He needs you. Get your ass back to him. NOW. Or I will come and find you and kick your ass till you do. Or I'll send my Tall Friend to bring you to me so I can do it that way.
Malkin. Take care of yourself. Slendy can be pretty intimidating, but don't let your guard down. Just stay positive and stand strong. It'll be alright. He feeds off the negatives.
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Well... fuck...
So first off. Blogger is a piece of booling shit and will not let me fucking comment and it's pissing me off.
Second of all. Taben's missing. Ry said he went into the woods this morning for a video shoot and never cam back. He's walked back in the woods looking for him but didn't find anything, and it was so muddy it was hard to tell with footprints and shit. We're trying to fight with the airlines to get back home ASAP. I feel like shit for leaving him alone. I just had a bad feeling but... ugh Gods be damned.
Chastin. You think leaving Malkin is the right choice? You think it'll make things better? Think again. Look what happened to Taben! I left him and thought things would be alright, even better for him. It didn't work. Get your macho ass back to Malkin and apologize. Kiss and make up or whatever the fuck you need to do. Do NOT leave him now. He needs you. He needs you right now more than ever.
Malkin. Hang in man. You're not alone and we're here rooting for you. It'll get better. And helll. If we ever meet up I'm sure as hell gonna punch Chas in the face. He really deserves and needs it right now. He also needs to learn th difference between worry and being whiny. Bastard. Hw's got a bop coming from bot Brennon and I. Seriously.
Taben. You better fucking b alright or I'll beat you. I told youto take someone with you when you go in the woods. I hope to fucking GODS you're alright. I love you babe, be safe. Brennoon and I are on our way home. As soon as the Airlines cooperate. Damned airlines...
Finally. Bran. Hope you're alright. Call me if you need to.I'm sorry Blogger's still being an ass to you. I say we all should plan a hostle take over and beat the people till they fix things and we get an apology. It'll be alridght... I hope. Stay safe and take care. Let me know if you've heard fomr ANYONE I don't care if it's fuck nutted Rat I just need to freakin' know!
Anywyas we're ogg. Apparently Brennon's gotten somethign worked out with the airline. I'll see ya all on the flip side. Taben, you've better be alright. Dammit.
Second of all. Taben's missing. Ry said he went into the woods this morning for a video shoot and never cam back. He's walked back in the woods looking for him but didn't find anything, and it was so muddy it was hard to tell with footprints and shit. We're trying to fight with the airlines to get back home ASAP. I feel like shit for leaving him alone. I just had a bad feeling but... ugh Gods be damned.
Chastin. You think leaving Malkin is the right choice? You think it'll make things better? Think again. Look what happened to Taben! I left him and thought things would be alright, even better for him. It didn't work. Get your macho ass back to Malkin and apologize. Kiss and make up or whatever the fuck you need to do. Do NOT leave him now. He needs you. He needs you right now more than ever.
Malkin. Hang in man. You're not alone and we're here rooting for you. It'll get better. And helll. If we ever meet up I'm sure as hell gonna punch Chas in the face. He really deserves and needs it right now. He also needs to learn th difference between worry and being whiny. Bastard. Hw's got a bop coming from bot Brennon and I. Seriously.
Taben. You better fucking b alright or I'll beat you. I told youto take someone with you when you go in the woods. I hope to fucking GODS you're alright. I love you babe, be safe. Brennoon and I are on our way home. As soon as the Airlines cooperate. Damned airlines...
Finally. Bran. Hope you're alright. Call me if you need to.I'm sorry Blogger's still being an ass to you. I say we all should plan a hostle take over and beat the people till they fix things and we get an apology. It'll be alridght... I hope. Stay safe and take care. Let me know if you've heard fomr ANYONE I don't care if it's fuck nutted Rat I just need to freakin' know!
Anywyas we're ogg. Apparently Brennon's gotten somethign worked out with the airline. I'll see ya all on the flip side. Taben, you've better be alright. Dammit.
Sunday, May 22, 2011
We're alright
We're alive and well. We're considering going home early. They keep throwing workloads at Brennon. It's really starting to piss me off. This is supposed to be our honeymoon get away.
I've been worried about Branwen and Taben as well. I finally talked to Taben and he's been working his ass off in keeping busy and getting his work done. Miss him like hell but this time alone with Brenno has been amazing. I love him so much. We've decided that when we get a chance we're gonna bring Taben, Ry and Allen down here. Allen would love it. I guess th break has been really nice and all. But. I dunno. I miss home. I'm worried abour Sam and Dean. And Taben, and Allen and Bran.
Branwen. Her absense hasn't been in vain. I guess Blogger's all fucked to hell for her and she can't get on and post. Add into it she's in her last week of her senior year of high school and has graduation and all of that. Todd? I have no freakin' clue. I can't contact him or anything. It's got me worried. He's strong though. He's strong.
Oh and I see Taben posted the first video. Well he didn't post the second one. The second one happened later the same evening. It's taken his lazy ass so long to get this posted it's just. Frustrating. Maybe he's embarassed to admit he was really freakin' stupid. I dunno. Anywyas, here's the second video for viewing pleasure.
And I'm gonna let Brennon have his computer back and we'll start talking about plans to go home.
Catch you all later, stay safe, eyes open.
I've been worried about Branwen and Taben as well. I finally talked to Taben and he's been working his ass off in keeping busy and getting his work done. Miss him like hell but this time alone with Brenno has been amazing. I love him so much. We've decided that when we get a chance we're gonna bring Taben, Ry and Allen down here. Allen would love it. I guess th break has been really nice and all. But. I dunno. I miss home. I'm worried abour Sam and Dean. And Taben, and Allen and Bran.
Branwen. Her absense hasn't been in vain. I guess Blogger's all fucked to hell for her and she can't get on and post. Add into it she's in her last week of her senior year of high school and has graduation and all of that. Todd? I have no freakin' clue. I can't contact him or anything. It's got me worried. He's strong though. He's strong.
Oh and I see Taben posted the first video. Well he didn't post the second one. The second one happened later the same evening. It's taken his lazy ass so long to get this posted it's just. Frustrating. Maybe he's embarassed to admit he was really freakin' stupid. I dunno. Anywyas, here's the second video for viewing pleasure.
And I'm gonna let Brennon have his computer back and we'll start talking about plans to go home.
Catch you all later, stay safe, eyes open.
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